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#1
Bring in your stupid stories or things you've said drunk here.

After spending a few days in wales last summer, I said thanks to my mate by

"Tell your step Mum and your Dad that I'm so ****ing thankful its been ****ing great becase your ****ing shower is awesome, and, and, if they were here, I'd **** both of them in the ass at the same time to say thanks."

Post yours.
#2
"**** thats not the toilet"
Gear:
Musicman Stingray 4 string HH
Tech 21 Sansamp Para Driver
Ampeg V-4B
Ampeg SVT-212AV 2x12

Gibson SG Standard
Vox AC15
Keeley compressor
Keeley Dark Side
Boss RC-2 Loop
Korg Pandora
Crybaby Wah
#4
Actually, I had a drunken old man at the bus stop yesterday who told me 'there's a wasp flying around. He's got red and amber lights, you'll see him come around in a minute...'

Swear he was stoned as well.
#5
I think its been done but w/e i dont care.


I was drunk and kept telling people to hit me in the face with random things to see if I could feel it. I got hit with hands, shoes, beer cans, toilet seats, Halloween masks, socks, etc.

Not really "said" but its all I got.
#7
Quote by SeveralSpecies
I think its been done but w/e i dont care.


I was drunk and kept telling people to hit me in the face with random things to see if I could feel it. I got hit with hands, shoes, beer cans, toilet seats, Halloween masks, socks, etc.

Not really "said" but its all I got.


Haha. I love how much pain you recieve, can't feel it, and laugh when drunk. Always a good laugh.
#10
"i Don't wanna die like Jimi!"

"why woulkd you live in a ****ty house and own an awesome car? i doesn't make any ****in' sense"

"yo man thanks thank you alot. HEy **** you! no man i'm so sorry!"

"yo Guys dont hate me for puking, i so sorry, dont hate me!"
Quote by AgentWiggles
Thanks, douche.


Quote by SlayingDragons
Dude...



Gear:
Ibanez SZ 520QM
Ibanez RG 450DXB
Fender Big Apple Stratocaster
Pod XT Live
Peavey XXX Half Stack
Peavey Bandit 112
and a soul of Rock n' Roll
#11
You're not my boyfriend

Always sucks when they realise that.
Quote by Zeppfreak170
I onece dumped a girl that I was seeing who already had a boyfriend... So anyway she put on like a stone and i dumped her telling her it was because i felt really guilty etc etc.

But really it's cos she got fat!

No fat chicks !
#12
i almost got my ass beat by a man in a cowboy hat after doing a karaoke rendition of bulls on parade and exclaiming that the bush administration should be tried hanged and shot...the verbal confrontation concluded with

cowboy:if you grab a tiger by the tail you're gonna get bit
me: yippie ki yay mother ****er

then they threw him out of the bar, waited 10 minutes and 86'd me too
#13
Chatted up a lampost.

GOOOOOOOD night :P
Quote by bootyguard
Or when my parents found out that i was having sex in my car my mom let me know cause she started making me 2 sandwhiches i was like "why 2?" and shes like "well you've been doing a lot of exercise recently". my face literally looked like this
#14
One of my friends got so drunk he went comatose, the whole pub crowded round him when another drunk friend started yelling "HE'S SEVENTEEN!? HE'S ****ING SEVENTEEN!!!??" at the top of his voice.

I got barred before I could legally drink
#15
Quote by bmac85
i almost got my ass beat by a man in a cowboy hat after doing a karaoke rendition of bulls on parade and exclaiming that the bush administration should be tried hanged and shot...the verbal confrontation concluded with

cowboy:if you grab a tiger by the tail you're gonna get bit
me: yippie ki yay mother ****er

then they threw him out of the bar, waited 10 minutes and 86'd me too



lmao well played.
#16
Quote by bmac85
i almost got my ass beat by a man in a cowboy hat after doing a karaoke rendition of bulls on parade and exclaiming that the bush administration should be tried hanged and shot...the verbal confrontation concluded with

cowboy:if you grab a tiger by the tail you're gonna get bit
me: yippie ki yay mother ****er

then they threw him out of the bar, waited 10 minutes and 86'd me too

That's awesome.

I was yelling at cars last Saturday night, I was so drunk. I was yelling something like, "Its all your fault!" I can't exactly remember why.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#17
well my friend was stoned at the time but anyway


my friend- "Dude omg there's gnome right there!!!"

me-"Zac that's a garden gnome"

Zac-"holy ****!"
Quote by Noyon999

They will be on their knees begging for mercy... But The Pit shall have no such mercy and finish them with a "HADOKEN!"


Founder of the Help UG Achieve World Domination group and Vice President of UGtopia
#18
Quote by Chikitty_China
well my friend was stoned at the time but anyway


my friend- "Dude omg there's gnome right there!!!"

me-"Zac that's a garden gnome"

Zac-"holy ****!"



LMAO I had a incident like that! My friend was doin acid or some crazy sh*t. He saw a garden gnome outside and freaked out, saying it was gonna come inside and kill him. I than went outside, picked up the gnome, carried it inside and chased him with it. Funniest thing ever.
#19
if anyone has the Lamb of God dvd Killadelphia, in the special features Roope from Children of Bodom says some funny **** when hes wasted. They call him Dorito lol
#21
me - "Rhian, i am drunk"

rhian falls over


Rhian - "Me too"


I thought that was hillarious
Ibanez RG770DX Reissue

Ibanez Apex 2

Ibanez S520EX w/ EMGs

Marshall DSL100 Halfstack

NEWCASTLE UNITED!
#22
What seems to be the officer problem

There is no blood in my alcohol system

and

I swear to drunk im not God
Quote by Butters
Do You Know What I Am Saying?


Quote by Towelie
Thats Why towelie always says: Dont forget to bring a towel


Quote by Randall
Honey Badger Dont Give a Shit.


#23
*To an overweight insanely irrating fat girl*

'Shut the f*ck up Alex you f*cking fat sh*t, no one really likes you!'


Being sat in between that pair would have been awkward had a not also been drunk and trying very hard not to laugh.
I'm going to create the procrastination club, just later...
#24
Me: You're pretty ****in' drunk, man.
Frank: I'm not drunk, I'm Frank, dumbass.
Life is underrated.


Quote by Mad Marius
That's like saying you got cancer that comes with AIDS.
#25
me:dude, i love her!!

friend: who?

me: my girlfriend!!

friend: you don't have a girlfriend...

me: o yeah, i forgot it...
#26
One time I was pissy loaded and I fell down face first will taking a piss. My friend walked in and the goods were still out and I had lost the motor skills to stand up....it was no good man...many-o-headers have been taken
#27
my friend was absolutely trashed at a party and he kept walking up to other people and saying "Give me your car keys, you're drunk!"
Quote by sashki
A lot of pros do that: if they play a wrong note, they'll hit it again to make it look as if it's intentional. It's called "jazz", aparently.


Member #12 of the "I play my guitar as high as Tom Morello does" club
#29
"oh,...hey ocifer,...can you take me drunk, im home?"
Peavey XXX combo *upgraded screen resistors, Tung-Sol's, and 6L6's*
Schecter Syn Std. * modded, scalloped, and worn*
Schecter C-1 Elite *still sexy*
Ibanez AEL 12-string

"He who sticks his dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts"
#30
To a friend wearing a shirt like this...

...'hey man, why is your shirt not matching of you collar, it pisses me off.'
Quote by shattamakar
The only advantage of home-schooling is that it gives you good reason to commit suicide.


Hit this once or twice, and you'll be twice as nice.
#32
Quote by MetalheadA7X
me - "Rhian, i am drunk"

rhian falls over


Rhian - "Me too"


that's ****ing hilarious man.....


Sigged mate
Ibanez RG770DX Reissue

Ibanez Apex 2

Ibanez S520EX w/ EMGs

Marshall DSL100 Halfstack

NEWCASTLE UNITED!
#34
Quote by SG thrasher
"If i was black, yeah, and i took a shit...What are the odds that my shit would be black?"


^^ wtf?

My dad got drunk one day and was watching america's funniest home videos and laughed at EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. And when they have the random 30 second segments when people just hit my balls (not genitals), he fell out of his chair and pissed himself it was so funny.
"We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment"

Tool, anyone?
Alter Bridge, maybe?
A bit of John Mayer?
Some beethoven sounds delightful, as well.
#35
Me: Hey man let's go streeeakkking!
Friend: Naked? because if we go naked, we'll get caught, and get arrested then---then---then imagine how much ****in trouble we'll be in man, IMAGINE!


and a phone convo I recieve while my friend was drunk. His mom and other neighborhood people were at my house for a bonfire, so I got this call while sitting next to his mom.

Friend: So I'm at this bar right, and I'm drunk and I think I got some from this chick----yeeeaaah
Me: Dude, quiet down, your mom is sitting right here
Friend: Oh ****ing ****! Tell her I'm mini-golfing TELL HER I'M MINIGOLFING!!!!

funniest phone conversation I have ever had.


ah man, alcohol is so great.
Quote by Qazxs
I got kicked out of a Mac store when me and my friends simultaneously put on meatspin on all of the computers in the store. Some eleven or twelve year old looking girls there freaked out.
#36
well, i took a phone of my friends and began "prank calling" people, and apparently this was said..

"HEY DO YOU HAVE A REFRIGERATOR?!?!

..

WELL YOU BETTER GO ****ING CATCH IT!"

and then began arguing with the person for fifteen or so minutes claiming that i deserved "effort points" for my attempt.
ADELOS
POP PUNK
for fans of...

Motion City Soundtrack, Get Up Kids, Jimmy Eat World, Transit, Brand New, Dashboard Confessional, Early November, Fall Out Boy, Jawbreaker, Polar Bear Club, The Story So Far, the Wonder Years, Something Corporate.
#39
Quote by DiveRightIn63
well, i took a phone of my friends and began "prank calling" people, and apparently this was said..

"HEY DO YOU HAVE A REFRIGERATOR?!?!

..

WELL YOU BETTER GO ****ING CATCH IT!"

and then began arguing with the person for fifteen or so minutes claiming that i deserved "effort points" for my attempt.


That made me laugh really hard for some reason.
"We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment"

Tool, anyone?
Alter Bridge, maybe?
A bit of John Mayer?
Some beethoven sounds delightful, as well.
#40
Me in a taxi a year ago: "Actually, Hitler wasn't that bad. In fact, he was a great leader, and had the right intentions. Its a shame that he died"

My 3 mates after apologising to the taxi driver: "Neil Neil Neil, lets just get you home"

Im not anti semitic or anything like that, so i don't know where it came from. I just used to say quite a lot of offensive things when i got drunk to get a cheap laugh

I stopped getting drunk soon after that.
UG's Stock Market Guy

Hablo Español
Wǒ néng shuō Zhōngwén

So you can speak to me in English, Spanish or Chinese

My Recordings:

Dissident Blues
El Farol
Lenny
We'll Make This Work
Stop This Train
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