#1
the start of something... no chorus or anything yet... with the guitar it sounds kind of pink floydish.


i remember thinking life was more
than autumn leaves and snow
i remember things that never were
in hi-def color tones

i remember calling out
with one foot off the ledge
i remember spiritual release
and a cross painted red

i remember spinning inside
an unforgiving storm
i remember nights so cold
life's flame couldn't keep me warm

so i'm scared to know the outcome
so i'm half-afraid of death
so my life is filled with winters
and i'm feeling underdressed
Last edited by crossroads07 at Dec 31, 2007,
#2
i kind of found the mixture of repetition and rhyming tiresome. i'd maybe think about dropping one or the other, or both. the repetition of 'i remember' has been done before. you have some good and original examples, and i think the common-ness(??) of the theme takes away a lot of the meaning.

sorry, its not much of a crit, but it's really all i could think to say. later!
when birds flap their wings do the make believe they're really arms?