hey this song isnt finished at the moment but id like to hear what ppl think of it so far so comments would be great

this pain it pulls and it tugs
ive lost all hope in this love
everytime i try to get up
im brought back down

you seem to not get enough
the more my heart falls apart
all u can do is jus laugh

massively cliche.

I can tell there's a lot of feeling in your writing, but since you've mobilized a commonly-used cliche in EVERY line, your reader feels none of it, because the reader has heard it all before. Incorporate some fresh ideas in there, before you finish it.
what comes up comes out