Alright I seem to have a real problem with barre chords, it takes me 10 seconds just to get my hand into the asked position. It is even worse when I got to switch barre chords. I can't hold my finger there without pressing really hard. Making them even sound right is real pain in the ass. Does ANYONE have some recommendations for me? I seem to be disabled at these.

I think I learn by being shown, not by being told or reading it. This is my problem with theory and my teacher so far, I don't seem to understand real well. I am being told to learn the "1,4,5" of every key. Can someone give me a link or something that helped them learn this stuff? Obviously to learn 1,4,5 of every key there is a kind of system in place but I don't know it... Thank you!
as far as your barre chords you just have to keep making your fingers work man. Smoke on the Water is a great riff to help you with that. The chord progression behind the freebird solo is sick. And since you're a Pink Floyd fan, play Time. I used to play the hell out of a little Time (it's also the first song i started realizing how to improvise on.)
To help you on the theory, you take the major scale (1 2 3 4 5 6 7) of each musical note (A B C D E F G) and just pick out the first, fourth, and fifth notes of that scale played from the root up to the next root. In C, it would be C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C... Therefore the 1, 4, and 5 would be 1-C
My Gear:

Agile AL-2000 (Tiger-Eye)
Ibanez Acoustic/Electric

Peavey Rage 158
Ibanez TS-7 Tubescreamer [Keeley Modded]
For the theory bits, check out some of the lessons on U-G that deal with basic theory. The roman numerals refer to the chords in a given key. In C major, the first, fourth and fifth chords are C F G. In Bb major, they are Bb Eb F, but the relationship between the chords is exactly the same. But yeah, read some theory lessons, it's fun when you start to understand how things fit together.