#1
Just read this earlier today, couldnt stop laughing...

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
the genitals.

I like monkeys.
Quote by garrett5
"An Iron Curtain has descended over our classroom..."

Quote by FlippinSweet
You look at too much porn and have unfortunatley contracted an e-STD
#2
Heh. Just read my custom user title...
█████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████
█████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████
█████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████

You're just another brick in the wall
#3
I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

excellent story, dont quite know wut to say

=\
You are now blinking manually
#4
Where the hell did you get that?
It was well-written, but insanely dumb.
Quote by Guitar0player
You're Thurstonsexual

Happily E-Married to En_zed
The public doesn't want new music; the main thing that it demands of a composer is that he be dead.
-- Arthur Honegger

Enjoy reading? Please crit my work .
#6
Quote by En_zed
Heh. Just read my custom user title...


Our user titles are similar
#7
Quote by Garret.
Our user titles are similar


monkey killin monkey over pieces of the ground?
Quote by Guitar0player
You're Thurstonsexual

Happily E-Married to En_zed
The public doesn't want new music; the main thing that it demands of a composer is that he be dead.
-- Arthur Honegger

Enjoy reading? Please crit my work .
#8
Quote by En_zed
Heh. Just read my custom user title...

I like your sig, and avatar

Just thought I'd say that.

Oh and I lol'd at the story
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
#9
Quote by Garret.
Our user titles are similar


Yay for Tool!!

[/unrelated content]
█████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████
█████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████
█████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████ █████

You're just another brick in the wall
#10
Quote by Vitamin_A

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.


i lold
Vocals Wanted For:
Tool-Sober, Aenema
Led Zeppelin-The Ocean
Audioslave-Cochise
Sublime-Santeria
Rush-Tom Sawyer, Fly By Night, Limelight
Assorted Original Acoustics

PM if interested
#11
An excellent piece of writing. I lol'd.
2002 Epiphone Goth G400 SG
B.C. Rich Warlock custom
1986 Washburn RR2 Flying V
1991 Peavey Falcon II Stratocaster