#1
(Verse1)
She says she's gone, gone out of my life
I guess she could see, see the fire in my eyes
And her cold sweet breath, God could only tell
She left taking with her the feelings we've felt

(Chorus1)
She's an angel running free
How could she love a devil like me
But I'll do anything to have her back
I'd change my ways, get back on track
Just stay with me

(2nd verse)
I remember the first, the first time we met
The first time we kissed, the first time we wept
But before you walk and say goodbye
Just give me one more smile to remember you by

(Repeat Chorus1)

(Bridge)
I cry everytime I see your gorgeous eyes
I cry everytime I see you smile away from me
And I can still feel the warmth of your lips from when we kissed
And I'll give anything just to hold you closely

(Repeat Chorus1)

(Chrous2)
She's an angel running free
How could she love a devil like me
I should have known from the start
That I would end up with a broken heart


Just stay with me


CRIT4CRIT
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


Last edited by popeye100 at Nov 7, 2007,
#2
yh i agree actually, this is pretty good! i think you should use chorus 1 at the end then use chorus 2 straight after. very effective lyrics and is screaming for a melody to be put to it!!
#3
Thanx for the Crits...I did all i thought i could do...i didn't have much time to think it over though...but what do ya think now?
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#4
Thanx man
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#5
Thanx man
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#6
Quote by popeye100
(Verse1)
She says she's gone, gone out of my life
I guess she could see, see the fire in my eyes
And her cold sweet breath, God could only tell
She left taking with her the feelings we've felt
This is a nice start, but it's bound to be vaguely familiar to everyone who reads it because this sort of description tends to get a little over done.

(Chorus1)
She's an angel running free
How could she love a devil like me
Love these lines.
But I'll do anything to have her back
I'd change my ways, get back on track
Just stay with me
Like Nightraven said, I like how this part makes you think to whether you should relate or being told, if that makes sense.

(2nd verse)
I remember the first, the first time we met
The first time we kissed, the first time we wept
But before you walk and say goodbye
Just give me one more smile to remember you by
I like the repetition here.

(Repeat Chorus1)

(Bridge)
I cry everytime I see your gorgeous eyes
I cry everytime I see you smile away from me
And I can still feel the warmth of your lips from when we kissed
And I'll give anything just to hold you closely
This last two lines just doesn't seem to flow as nicely as I was hoping.
(Repeat Chorus1)

(Chrous2)
She's an angel running free
How could she love a devil like me
I should have known from the start
That I would end up with a broken heart
I like this. It's very conclusive, but at the same time the last two lines are somewhat cliche.

Just stay with me


Overall, I found this rather good and I could definitely hear it as a song as I was going through.

Care to crit Let The Rain Fall? Tis in my sig.
i look down at my hands,
like they were mirrors.