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#1
wazzap ug!?!?
i thought this would be fun, so lets make our own jokes

here goes:

Why is semen white and urine yellow?

Because some don't know if they are coming or going.
I got 99 problems and they all bitches
#4
A horse is a horse ofcourse ofcourse, unless it's a shoe.
Quote by richwatkinson
haha You pwned an entire website....i bow down...

TheDudeBox
#6
are you obsessed with semen? I mean... right under your name.... o_O
͏͏͏
۩۩۩۩۩۩۩Ƒyre Ðeity۩۩۩۩۩۩۩

Quote by Here_is_no_why

"Hey Mike, did your mom have a C section when she gave birth to you? Because I wanna make sure she's tight before I bang her."
#7
You have to have seen Mr. Ed to get it I guess.
Quote by richwatkinson
haha You pwned an entire website....i bow down...

TheDudeBox
#8
whats the difference between michael jackson and a dildo?

Ones a plastic **** and the other is a sex aid

What do michael jackson and the hulk have in common?

They both change colour and scare children
#9
Quote by Brandon860
A horse is a horse ofcourse ofcourse, unless it's a shoe.

haha i didnt get it but that was ****ign funny haha
I got 99 problems and they all bitches
#10
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Rambo in the face.

That's about it.

Only other joke i can think of is a man walks into a bar... ouch.

"Ouch" was for the bad joke.
#11
So this guy is trying to sell a horse to a farmer, and the farmer asks, "Does it run fast," so the guy selling it says yeah, take him for a spin! And so the farmer hops on the horse bareback and rides a little ways down the road. He turns back, and halfway back the horse trips and crashes to the ground, sending the farmer into the dirt as well. So he gets up dusting himself off, and starts cussing the guy selling the horse out, and is all like, "the horse tripped," blah blah and stuff. So ofcourse they have to shoot the horse cause its injured and all that. So the farmer asks how much for the meat? So the guy selling the dead horse starts crying cause he realized his horse is dead. So the farmer is all like its okay, you can have my horse! And the guy starts to ask if it runs fast, but midway through the question they are both suddenly blinded by an extreme brightness overhead, and out of nowhere a wind picks up and gets very violent and they both scream and fall to the ground as a nuclear shockwave hits them, and are subsequently melted. Their ashes blow away in the wind and the barn house is also disintegrated.

LOL!
We're only strays.
#12
2 men and a dog walk into a bar - ouch, ouch, wuf.

(ít's old, but it's still mildly amusing.
#13
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
So this guy is trying to sell a horse to a farmer, and the farmer asks, "Does it run fast," so the guy selling it says yeah, take him for a spin! And so the farmer hops on the horse bareback and rides a little ways down the road. He turns back, and halfway back the horse trips and crashes to the ground, sending the farmer into the dirt as well. So he gets up dusting himself off, and starts cussing the guy selling the horse out, and is all like, "the horse tripped," blah blah and stuff. So ofcourse they have to shoot the horse cause its injured and all that. So the farmer asks how much for the meat? So the guy selling the dead horse starts crying cause he realized his horse is dead. So the farmer is all like its okay, you can have my horse! And the guy starts to ask if it runs fast, but midway through the question they are both suddenly blinded by an extreme brightness overhead, and out of nowhere a wind picks up and gets very violent and they both scream and fall to the ground as a nuclear shockwave hits them, and are subsequently melted. Their ashes blow away in the wind and the barn house is also disintegrated.

LOL!





.........
Quote by WickedBeast666
Noooooooooooo how could this be! he at all the chocolate in the box
Oh well, now the empty shell of what used to be chocolaty goodness can contain a tasty guitar circuit.


speaking of my homemade pedal
#14
Quote by Fama
2 men and a dog walk into a bar - ouch, ouch, wuf.

(ít's old, but it's still mildly amusing.


Wow, bro. Wow.

K I have some more.

What do you get when you cross a bowl of chili with Hitler?

CONSTIPATION!!!!!!!!

I have another:

Whats worse than a dead baby tied to a burning tree? BREAKING A GUITAR STRING

LAWLAWLAWLAWLAWL
We're only strays.
#16
What happends when you mix a Jew with a Protestant?
Nothing. You can't just mix things up man...


I came.
I failed.
I cried.
I Like Cake
#17
K heres one fresh off the press - of my mind:

Two long, cylindrical metal structures walk into a bar. *clang*

lmfao

What do you get when you cross a dog with a submarine? BLACK PEOPLE ARE LAZY

LOL @ racist jokes. Alright this thread is pushing the boundaries of staying open. Someone post something good.
We're only strays.
#18
Whats the difference between Spider Man and Dr. Octopus?

"DR. OCTAGONAPUS! BWAHHHH!"

Quote by The Virtuoso
Yes, you sir win the internet!


Quote by saphrax
To put it crudely, every hole is a goal.


#19
i came up with this one a few years back

what do you say to a white chick at the bottom of a hole with a bunch of black people


YOURE IN DEEP ****!
Quote by WickedBeast666
Noooooooooooo how could this be! he at all the chocolate in the box
Oh well, now the empty shell of what used to be chocolaty goodness can contain a tasty guitar circuit.


speaking of my homemade pedal
#20
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
So this guy is trying to sell a horse to a farmer, and the farmer asks, "Does it run fast," so the guy selling it says yeah, take him for a spin! And so the farmer hops on the horse bareback and rides a little ways down the road. He turns back, and halfway back the horse trips and crashes to the ground, sending the farmer into the dirt as well. So he gets up dusting himself off, and starts cussing the guy selling the horse out, and is all like, "the horse tripped," blah blah and stuff. So ofcourse they have to shoot the horse cause its injured and all that. So the farmer asks how much for the meat? So the guy selling the dead horse starts crying cause he realized his horse is dead. So the farmer is all like its okay, you can have my horse! And the guy starts to ask if it runs fast, but midway through the question they are both suddenly blinded by an extreme brightness overhead, and out of nowhere a wind picks up and gets very violent and they both scream and fall to the ground as a nuclear shockwave hits them, and are subsequently melted. Their ashes blow away in the wind and the barn house is also disintegrated.

LOL!




I am going to tell that to someone.
#21
So this guy gets busted on To Catch a Predator attempting to make it with a 14 year old girl. Chris Hansen comes out and is like "Fooled you, roflowned!", and the guy is like "No wai, really?!" Then Chris is like "lol jk" and then they tag team her on national TV.
Is it a bad thing if one of your testicles is larger then the other two?
#22
(Frenchy) Politics is not my forté
(Frenchy) Hell, it's not even my twenté

Quite possibly my finest moment, ever.
Populus vult decipi. Decipiatur.

Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
It's can be a contraction and genitive case.

Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
If you cut down on these costs students won't learn so well, effecting the "quality"...
#23
Josh: Hey Seth what are those things that they used in WW2 with turrets and those wheels?
Seth: Uhh tanks?
Josh: You're Welcome
#24
Not my own jokes but who cares, it's a joke thread.

Two guys walk into a bar.
They enjoy their afternoon
_________________________________________________________
How many Polaks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.
One to change the lightbulb and that's it.
________________________________________________________________________
A wife is cheating on her husband with the repairman in their highrise apartment. Suddenly the husband comes home early so the repair man hides in the closet. Soon after he is discovered and the husband and wife have a huge argument that ends with a divorce leaving both bitter for years to come.
________________________________________________________________________
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
NONE, babies shouldn't be doing construction work.
________________________________________________________________________
your mommas so fat that i have concerns about her developing diabetes
________________________________________________________________________
why should you never run over a black kid riding a bike?
Because you might seriously hurt him, and you would be charged with assault with intent to kill.
________________________________________________________________________
What did the black kid get for Christmas?
Some moderately priced gifts.
________________________________________________________________________
Three guys walk into a bar.
Two of them die in a drunk driving accident. The third learns a valuable lesson about responsibility.
________________________________________________________________________
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
I have lost my tractor!
________________________________________________________________________
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is very mean.
________________________________________________________________________
Why did the guy throw his alarm clock out the window?
It made a ****ing awful noise that enraged him.
________________________________________________________________________
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
________________________________________________________________________
Knock Knock

Who's there?

Banana

What?

Knock Knock
Banana

Go away.

Knock Knock
Banana

What the **** do you want?

Knock Knock
Orange.
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?!

I'm calling the police.
________________________________________________________________________
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender leads it back outside and ties it to a post.
UNLEASH THE FOCKING BURGERS
#25
I padded mine out a bit because otherwise it's too short.

Three men walk into a bar. One of them tells the other two that he heard this awesome joke the other day. He begins to tell a predictable, mediocre joke which goes like this: "Three men wlak into a bar. One of them tells the other two that he heard this awesome joke the other day. He begins to tell a predictable, mediocre joke which goes like this: "Three men wlak into a bar. One of them tells the other two that he heard this awesome joke the other day. He begins to tell a predictable, mediocre joke which goes like this: "Three men wlak into a bar. One of them tells the other two that he heard this awesome joke the other day. He begins to tell a predictable, mediocre joke which goes like this: "Three men wlak into a bar. One of them tells the other two that he heard this awesome joke the other day. He begins to tell a predictable, mediocre joke which goes like this: "Three men wlak into a bar. One of them tells the other two that he heard this awesome joke the other day. He begins to tell a predictable, mediocre joke which goes like this: "Three men walk into a bar. Ouch."
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
Last edited by break-me-in at Nov 2, 2007,
#27
How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Food still tastes good in the dark.

Athankyou.

How many genetically deformed victims of nuclear testing does it take to screw in a light bulb? However many it takes to get a working pair of hands.

lmaoephant
We're only strays.
#30
Man making horrible jokes up is fun!!!

This blonde walks into a Checkers to get food. *rimshot*

Only people that have eaten at Checkers/Rally's can get how stupid that one is.

So this minor goes up to a homeless guy and is like, if I give you some money will you buy me cigarettes? And the homeless guy is like ok! So he takes the money and buys beer and starts walking down the street away from the kid. So the kid is like hey WTF wheres mah cigarettes?! And the homeless guy holds up a sign that says "will steal cigarette money for beer."

lolololololololololololololol
We're only strays.
#31
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
So this guy is trying to sell a horse to a farmer, and the farmer asks, "Does it run fast," so the guy selling it says yeah, take him for a spin! And so the farmer hops on the horse bareback and rides a little ways down the road. He turns back, and halfway back the horse trips and crashes to the ground, sending the farmer into the dirt as well. So he gets up dusting himself off, and starts cussing the guy selling the horse out, and is all like, "the horse tripped," blah blah and stuff. So ofcourse they have to shoot the horse cause its injured and all that. So the farmer asks how much for the meat? So the guy selling the dead horse starts crying cause he realized his horse is dead. So the farmer is all like its okay, you can have my horse! And the guy starts to ask if it runs fast, but midway through the question they are both suddenly blinded by an extreme brightness overhead, and out of nowhere a wind picks up and gets very violent and they both scream and fall to the ground as a nuclear shockwave hits them, and are subsequently melted. Their ashes blow away in the wind and the barn house is also disintegrated.

LOL!


I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#32
Why did the house call the doctor?

Because it had window panes.
Quote by shattamakar
The only advantage of home-schooling is that it gives you good reason to commit suicide.


Hit this once or twice, and you'll be twice as nice.
#33
Whats the difference between Madeline McCann and most 4 year old girls?
Most 4 year old girls are alive.
Own a PS3?
Add me: ILOVECHICKEN
#34
Ok so there is this kid called, let's say "Tom". So Tom is in 6th grade. At school, the teacher asks the class to draw something for her. So Tom draws something on a sheet of paper, and then goes in front of the teacher's desk, handing out his drawing. "Oh my god! Young man, go to the principal!"
So Tom is all like "What the hell?" and goes to the principal. The principal asks him why he is there and not in class.
"Well the teacher asked the class to draw something and when I showed her what I drew, she sent me here."
"Can I see what you drew?"
So Tom shows the principal his drawing. "Oh my god! Go back home, you're suspended for the rest of the week!"
Tom is confused. Without any reply, he packs his bag and go home.
Once home, his mother asks him: "Oh Tom, you're home soon. You have school out?"
"Nah mom, the teacher asked the class to draw something so I drew and then showed the teacher who sent me to the principal. Then I showed the principal my drawing and he suspended me for the rest of the week."
"I think I'll have a talk with your principal, can I see what you drew?"
So tom shows his mom what he drew.
"Holy... Tom! You're punished! Go into your home, now I understand why the principal suspend you. And don't come back downstairs UNTIL I say so!"
So Tom starts crying, and lock himself into his room.
"Everyone is crazy he thought, I'm leaving the house.."
So he found a rope, opened his window, and left the house.
In the street, he met a cop who asked him "Hey kid, why aren't you at school?"
"Well the teacher asked the class to draw something so I drew and then showed the teacher who sent me to the principal. Then I showed the principal my drawing and he suspended me for the rest of the week and then I went back home, showed my mom and she punished me so I decided to run away from home."
"Weird story kid, show me what you drew."
So Tom showed the cop what he drew.
"You're under arrest kid, you have the right to remain silence!"
So Tom cried and cried.
He was transfered into jail, with another guy name Billy.
"Hey kiddo, why the hell you're here?"
"Well my teacher asked the class to draw something so I drew and then showed the teacher who sent me to the principal. Then I showed the principal my drawing and he suspended me for the rest of the week and then I went back home, showed my mom and she punished me so I decided to run away from home. On the street I met this cop who asked me for the drawing and I showed him and he sent me here."
"Hrmm, in jail at your age? I'll get you out of here."
So Billy took out a sort of knife and for the whole night, he tried to cut the window protectors. So he cut and cut and cut and cut and finally, one of the metal bar broke.
"Tom, you awake? I did this hole, and you can get through, go back home now!"
So he took Tom in his arm, and helped him get out of the cell. Finally out, Tom said "Thanks Billy, I'll never forget it, bye!"
"Bye Tom, now run! Run!!! RUN!!! RUN TOMM!!! RUNN!!"
So Tom ran... and ran... and ran... and then he got hit by a car.


LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOL
#35
What's worse than throwing a dead baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

But what's worse than that?

Telling the Germans where Anne Frank is hiding.
#36
What's harder than nailing 20 babies to the same tree?

My penis after nailing 20 babies to the same tree.
OMG!!! They're playing One!!!!!11fade to black11one11

God & Founder of UG Electronics


Electronics God of the Laney Cult

My Gear:

Ibanez RG370DX
Laney VC30-212
Dunlop Crybaby
Boss CS-3
Ibanez TS9DX
#37
... do you have an fetish for hard penis? mcwoot?


ESP LTD MH-350NT
Hughes & Kettner Switchblade 100
Orange PPC412AD
Seagull S6 Cedar Slim
Manuel Rodríguez C1M


Guitarist of Ravenage
Drummer of Windrider
Solo Project is Aloeswood
#38
why dont mexicans and black people have children?

they're worried their kids would be too lazy to steal
#39
havent any of you peopel read "Robot dreams" by isaac asimov?

people can't create their own jokes, they was implanted in our heads by aliens as an expirement!
Quote by zwart_gitaar

Dismemberment gives me an erection!
#40
Quote by Guitar_Dan_666
... do you have an fetish for hard penis? mcwoot?

erm....undisclosed.
OMG!!! They're playing One!!!!!11fade to black11one11

God & Founder of UG Electronics


Electronics God of the Laney Cult

My Gear:

Ibanez RG370DX
Laney VC30-212
Dunlop Crybaby
Boss CS-3
Ibanez TS9DX
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