#1
Too Much TV Gives You Square Eyes

Verse 1
Dear people on the other side of the tv screen,
I'm not quite sure i've grasped what it is you're telling me.
the world has cancer and it's had it for a while-
we're running on empty, halfway through the last mile!
everythings a blur in high definition reality.

Chorus
so take me on a journey through the entertaining lies
where I can sit on my arse and be fed through my eyes
tell me when i should smile, please tell me how I should live
and when the charity ads pop up tell me how much to give
everythings an order in this high definition reality

Verse 2

self proclaimed idols practise diets of thin air and advocacy
and everybody wants to save the world for notoriety
and our countries are sinking coz our children are fat
damn it's looking pretty awful from where I'm sat
everythings a joke in this high definition comedy

Chorus
so take me on a journey through the entertaining lies
where I can sit on my arse and be fed through my eyes
tell me when i should smile, please tell me how I should live
and when the charity ads pop up tell me how much to give
everythings an order in this high definition reality

Middle 8
I've got jeremy kyle to sort out my ways
and reality tv to bring me some fame
and all theyre asking for is a little blind trust
'cause how do you know who you are if nobody else does?
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#2
damn it's looking pretty awful from where I'm sat

"Where i sat" maybe . other than that really good . Definetely orignal idea . Srry for lame critique but I"ll try to add more into it later

Hi
#3
I enjoyed the light mood, yet important message, but I don't like "running on empty" in the first stanza. Its a cliche. I do like "everything is a blur in high definition reality" That's a pretty awesome sensation/image. The next stanza, I feel that it should end on a stronger note, but other then that, I like the line "tell me when I should smile" because I thought of sitcoms...when there's the fake laughter to indicate that they have just told a joke. And you say it without exactly, saying it. Best kind of saying. "our countries are sinking because our children are fat" is HILARIOUS, and I think it touches on two issues in one fell swoop. Which is awesome.

The ending, of the poem is really strong, no complaints there.

Overall I think this is really well done.

regards,

h_e
what comes up comes out
#4
Quote by haunted_engines
I enjoyed the light mood, yet important message, but I don't like "running on empty" in the first stanza. Its a cliche.


I agree, I dont like it either, its a little vague. I'll have a rewrite later on and see what I can come up with.

How about "enchanted by the teeth in your botox smile"

though its not really relevant to the surrounding lines...hmm some help?
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
Last edited by damn-right! at Nov 23, 2007,
#6
well done.
but please, no jackson browne cliches.
cheers
"i have nothing to say, and i am saying it"
flickr.com/photos/chazoid
last.fm/user/p4nts
#7
Quote by ich4z
well done.
but please, no jackson browne cliches.
cheers


care to elaborate?
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk