#1
when i write music and lyrics, i find lyrics to be the thing that i find most frustrating because i write my lyrics and im never happy with it... rarely

these are 2 songs i've written lyrics for, feedback would be great

Control
a world less bound by perfection
you helped to get us here
but the question is why

we don't understand
past the choices
we have a gift for you
you set us free

don't be afraid
we're going to show you
what you don't want to know
what you don't want to know

we don't understand
past the choices
we have a gift for you
you set us free


this song has a very mellow feel to it, and is paced at a slow tempo (83) the verse floats around 4notes and has a lot of sustained notes.


Mental Clockwork
Forcing your feelings away, for sure
Knowing they'll soon be back for more
Keeping your soul in-tact, self control
Breaking the horrid chain once more

My mind is begging to hear you again
I'm aching to feel you.
If they drive me insane
Then I'll lose you

Hoping our dreams will open a door
Grasping the ones who knew much more
Burning your eyes will cure the sore
Building another life but not yours

My mind is begging to hear you again
I'm aching to feel you
If they drive me insane
Then I'll lose you


this song is fairly fast (120), its got a for some reason it tends to remind me of radiohead's creep... i dunno why.

any who, those are my lyrics that i'm happy with. like i said before, feedback/critiquing would be much appreciated.
#2
I'm never happy with my lyrics either, I've written one song and I don't dare to look at it because I know I'll tear it up.

I like your lyrics exept that on mental clockwork I don't really like the idea of rhyming the same words together:

Forcing your feelings away, for sure
Knowing they'll soon be back for more
Keeping your soul in-tact, self control
Breaking the horrid chain once more

My mind is begging to hear you again
I'm aching to feel you.
If they drive me insane
Then I'll lose you

Good work none-the-less, well done
#3
thanks for the input

mmm i know what you mean, im not a big fan of even rhyming words at all. i tried replacing those words but it didnt work as well as it did originally.

i think i can get away with it by the way i have the melody structured... oh well *shrugs*
#4
thats fine, I don't like the idea of rhyming either. I feel it kind of stops you from saying what you want to say.
#5
They're both kinda short, but what can you say? We can't all write "American Pie", so who cares? I thought they were both pretty good, although like Rebus said, rhyming the same words isn't great. But if you can make it work, once again, who cares? What you've written is fine, and with some good music to back it, they'll make some good songs.