#1
Here's a song I'm working on recording right now. This is currently the second song I've fully recorded and the first I've put online and I'm hoping to get some feedback. I personally think the vocals and guitar solo are a little too loud but don't feel like fixing them at the moment, since I have to go onto my other computer. Here's the lyrics:

I look into your eyes and your helpless to this fate
You say it's alright so I, I sit back and wait
Your time is ticking now and you slowly start to fall
I hold on tightly cause I know I know I've seen it all

And now your standing in the darkness
Waving around your hair
Standing in the darkness
Who is it you fear
More than just a problem
More than just a game
I won't be there to help you
When your calling out my name

Where's the reminder that nothing is quite real
They steal your intuition and you feel like a drone
Wear this mask to hide the holes inside your smile
Numbing out the problems they put your life on trial

Again input would be great, I think I need to work on mixing but any suggestions would be helpful.

P.S. listen to the revised version, it sounds better.

Edgeworth08

Edit - I worked on the mixing a bit and played around with what I had recorded. Would've recorded it all again but at the moment it's too noisy in my house.
http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/Edgeworth08/music/all/play119067
Last edited by Edgeworth08 at Nov 8, 2007,
#2
terrible recording.
goes a bit off time.
i can imagine quite likin this if the guitar was on a synth or somethin. make it a ****off big dance track haha.
i don't mind it, sort the recording, the mic especially. get some more parts like a really inventive bass bit and some drums. try and add some more variation parts as well like middle 8, bridges whatever... mix it up a little, take off some distortion, it hides the guitar part which actually sounds quite good.
#3
Thanks for the input. I do have a bass part in mind but am not as good at playing bass as I am guitar so I'm working on it at the moment. Drums on the other hand I'll need to get a drum machine. I'll take your advice on the distortion and mess around with that a bit as well as the recordings in general. Also, what do you have in mind for more variations, I'm not to sure what you mean by middle 8. I'm gonna be working on this song for a little while so hopefully I can get a better quality song up soon.
#4
google 'hammerhead'
you'll club it up like mad, but it's good to work out beats for ****.
as for the middle 8, just add varying ideas, don't stick around the same 2/3 patterns..
but that's more up to you like
#5
listening now...the intro is very unorthadox but cool. Little off time as already stated. I like the riffs in the song. Your voice is very mono tone through out the recording, not saying your voice is bad, but theres no variety. I like the guitar tone actually. So the cons i can see in the are the recording quality and the lack of variety in your voice. But other than that, good job man

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=706342 c4c?!
And now i cant get back again....
#7
Well edgeworth, first off thanks for the crit. Second off, the recording quality, it wasn't exactly the greatest haha, but you did what you could do. The vocals were kind of boring, the chord progression rocked, very raw and different. The solo fit pretty well acctually, all you need to do really is work on your vibrato, that is really effective(IMO).
#8
first of sorry for taking so long with the crit

i think the quality of the revised version is ok , the structure of the song is solid , woudl'nt change anything with that , the solo fits nicley in there .
i really like the lyrics , but there should be some well , more agressive part (singing , not with the words , you know?) some dramtatic climax ,or something ... because they get kinda boring
and it definetly needs drums

i can see that this song could be damn awesome , with just a little more work on the quality , and the vocal part , at least for my liking

(woa...sorry for my english it's 6 in the morning on a saturday , lol)
english is not my native language