#1
Lol, i know the titles REALLY long so here, i'll rewrite

The boy who had too much and the girl who had too little (but in the end it didnt even matter)

Here goes!


Verse 1:
The words come sliding out of his mouth
One after another, like the diamond ring on your finger
Oh, isnt he something he can kill you with one look
And sin is his best game, and you've fallen on the wrong square

Chorus:
I see your hands shake
Take a step back
Because, we're heading in the same direction anyways
So make sure your words dont fail you now

Verse 2:
He acts like hes lost like a wolf in a wonderful city
A Precious bottle forgotten in the gutter
Oh, isnt she something, she doesnt have a chance
Prides her last chance, and shes just lost that too


*chorus*

Bridge:
Who would have known
That we didnt even have to feel
to believe we were still here
because we're all lost anyways

*chorus* X2
#3
I find the chorus and bridge to be your weakest points, which is no good cause those are supposed to be the crescendos of emotion . I'm not going to say much about them except that they themselves don't say much to me, even if it were clever it was so straightforward that it didn't do anything or give much of an effect. Sorry bub.

BUT I liked the verses very very much.



The words come sliding out of his mouth
One after another, like the diamond ring on your finger
Oh, isnt he something he can kill you with one look
And sin is his best game, and you've fallen on the wrong square


Okay, the second line doesn't seem to make sense cause of order, simply cause you say "the" diamond "ring" on your finger, which is singular, whereas "one after another" implies many. You could say the diamond rings on your finger which is implicative of unnecessary extravagance, OR you could rearrange it to "The words come sliding out of his mouth/Like the diamond ring on your finger, one after another". Which by the way I like the use of sliding in two senses. In the third line, remember that PUNCTUATION IS YOUR BEST FRIEND . I like the wording but I don't know how it's meant. "Oh, isn't he something?" or "Oh, isn't he something!" a hyphen would be appropriate before the next part, "- he can kill you with one look". It just adds a lot. You don't need to use "and" twice in the last line, take one of them out.

He acts like hes lost like a wolf in a wonderful city
A Precious bottle forgotten in the gutter
Oh, isnt she something, she doesnt have a chance
Prides her last chance, and shes just lost that too


Okay, I like the first line. Wolf in a wonderful city. Genius. Love it. You don't need two "like"s though, "He acts like he's a lost wolf in a wonderful city". Or "He's lost like a wolf in a wonderful city". You may not even need one at all. "He's a lost wolf in a wonderful city". I like the second line again, though "forgotten" seems a weak verb compared to all the powerful words you've used so far.

If you do choose to punctuate the first verse's third line, you could intentionally leave out the punctuation here, since she is the girl who had too little after all. They would read, then, as opposites: "And oh, isn't he something?- he could kill you with one look!" and "Oh, isn't she something. She doesn't have a chance." The possibility of contrast that you could set up here is amazing.

Last line could do without repeating "chance", you could say "Pride was her last, and she's lost that too". Then you could have the nice slight rhyming of chance and last. Hey!

I know I said I liked the verses very much and then proceeded to pick them apart, but I mean to say that I really liked your choice of words, they were far more interesting than usual. I went into those miniscule suggestions because I really think that those minor things could push the verses into something wonderful. As they are now though they are still solid. But never never forget about punctuation .
#4
Hehe, thanks ALOT blu, it would be kinda retarded showing this to an english teacher but thank god you have enlightened me on the brilliant ways of punctuation, i take my hat off to you sir.

Revised to those who care =D

Verse 1:
The words come sliding out of his mouth
One after another, like the diamond rings on your finger
And oh isnt he something- he can kill you with one look
Sin is his best game, and you've fallen on the wrong square

Chorus:
I see your hands shake
Take a step back
Because, we're heading in the same direction anyways
So make sure your words dont fail you now

Verse 2:
A wolf lost in a wonderful city
A Precious bottle forgotten on the street
Oh isnt she something-she doesnt have a chance
Pride was her last, and shes lost that too

*chorus*

Bridge:
Who would have known
That we didnt even have to feel
to believe we were still here
because we're all lost anyways

*chorus* X2