#1
First I just wanna say that IM new @ this and english isnt my first language so any tips would be helpfull 10x in advance!.......


If u had one wish,What would that be
a million Dollar car,or a home by the sea
I simply wanna wake up with nothin on my mind
And Think about a love i still havent Find


I work 2 jobs and I go to school
Some people Might say WOW its cool
But they dont know How i feel inside
The urge i have To just run and hide


I HATE THIS LIFE,I HATE EACH DAY
Seems im stuck with it everyday
Hope I can or Someone Will
HElp Me take This Pain AWAY


ITs late at night and my only friend
Is a cup of coffee ad the my pen in hand
HE knows my taughts, He reads my mind
He makes me leave my world Behind


I HATE THIS LIFE,I HATE EACH DAY
Seems im stuck with it everyday
Hope I can or Someone Will
HElp Me take This Pain AWAY


The reflection on my mirror really Show
The hole in my soul, Growin Slow
I try to fight it, Its gettin bigger
But leavin it alone makes me bitter


I HATE THIS LIFE,I HATE EACH DAY
Seems im stuck with it everyday
Hope I can or Someone Will
HElp Me take This Pain AWAY
#4
i like that it's so simple...that you don't try to make it sound complicated or anything... actually I'm not a fan of those hopeless-kinda songs though and i don't like the every day/ each day-rhymes either...you could think of something better...not all that bad though, since you're new and stuff...what's your native language?
#6
Quote by Fragmented
Is this an emo song?


what the **** is an emo song?!

any decent song is emo - asin emotional!!
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#7
I'm pretty sure emo doesn't = emotional, it = emotive.

e·mo·tive
–adjective 1. characterized by or pertaining to emotion: the emotive and rational capacities of humankind.
2. productive of or directed toward the emotions: Artistic distortion is often an emotive use of form.

I guess thats relative to the interperater, but regardless, I really liked the song. It hurts my eyes though, english being your first language or not, I just have to say it.

That said this doesn't seem extremely emo to me.

ITs late at night and my only friend
Is a cup of coffee ad the my pen in hand
HE knows my taughts, He reads my mind
He makes me leave my world Behind


A really clever line, I thought. I'd love to hear a raw, bitter voice singing that over music. I can't really say much about the rest except for

I work 2 jobs and I go to school
Some people Might say WOW its cool
But they dont know How i feel inside
The urge i have To just run and hide


This line...I don't know, I think you could do much better then 'cool'. It seems really juvenile in this context, and the rest of this piece is too good for it.

Cheers.
#8
Well i didnt meant it to be emo or anything i dont think OF what i write it simply comes on my mind, 10x for every1 I'll try to correct some stuff in it!!!!

IF any1 has anythin to add Ur welcome!