Nothing fancy. crit4crit


We both sat in the truck,
my dad driving back home
after spending money on computery stuff
I don't really care about. I asked him,
"When was the last time, you were
truly happy, like honestly content."
He said, without thinking about it,
which is sign that he's thought about
that exact question hundreds maybe
thousands of times in the past. "It was
when you were three, thanksgiving."

That was almost 16 years ago.

"I had a small bag of pot, your papaw
had brought a nice bottle of whiskey,
and everyone was absolutely happy.
It was such a great time." He said this
and it was hard to listen, knowing that
this man, my father had wasted the
majority of his life, on menial, mundane
things that offer little to no pay off. Work,
marriage, children, he's gotten nothing back.

"Do you regret having kids?"

"Honestly, if I had known how everything
would have turned out, I don't think so,
no offence."

"None taken...do you regret mom at all?"

"I don't regret her, I regret not fixing what
I had messed up, but I still don't know what
went wrong. It's a big blur to me, and I decided
that I don't think I wouldn't take her back, I've been
too hurt since it all happened. I'm broken,
I'm just very broken."

"What do you want people to remember you by,
when you die?"

"That I did my best,
I think that's all I can give now."

We sat in silence, and before I knew it,
he was sitting in his chair, watching
Man VS Wild. Bitter, alone, jealous, and
completely cynical of fame and success.
He sat there and watched a man on tv,
cut his finger making snow shoes to
survive in the ice, and he said to himself,
"This is ****ing dumb."

In time, he'll grow old, his skin will
become winkled craters, his hands will
wither with the work he's done, and the
machine spliters that hide in his palm will
go deeper, and deeper every time he tries
to hold on to something. Desperately he'll
search for meaning, and he'll die telling himself
that he did his best, and that was all
that he could give.
I thoroughly enjoyed this, as far as content.

"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching