#1
I wrote this sitting on the dock of the bay:

Buckling wood, your crippled where the life once stood
warmed by the sun, cooled off by the rain
If only you could talk, you could be my weather vain

Buckling wood your cracked and dried
Escaping from the corners;
Are you still alive?

My shadow casts a safety net
the suns rays, for brief moments deflects
to sit here and see, to breathe in this concept
Is requisite for getting the buckles full effect

The hovering chopper, lingers nigh no longer
Teetering on the horizon, it fades over the yonder
the sirens are screaming
from across town their sounds bleeding
Yet im sitting here in silence or perhaps maybe dreaming

The solice of lonliness the telltale mark of Avarice
Sometimes ambiguous, what I should make of all this
And yet life goes on spinning, an effect most dizzying
In this moment I wonder what more could be missing.
#2
critique someone? just say what you honsestly think, I wont be offended if you tell me its teh sux. Negative criticism is better than none at all...
#3
Quote by Redundecency
I wrote this sitting on the dock of the bay:

Buckling wood, your crippled where the life once stood
warmed by the sun, cooled off by the rain
If only you could talk, you could be my weather vain
Nice image- "buckling wood" sound good. Personally I would say "cooled by the..." rather than "cooled off by the..."

Buckling wood your cracked and dried
Escaping from the corners;
Are you still alive?
The question is a little odd. I would replace it with a more abstract obeservation.

My shadow casts a safety net
Fantastic line...really, brilliant.
the suns rays, for brief moments deflects
to sit here and see, to breathe in this concept
Is requisite for getting the buckles full effect
I might change the last line, it feels a little contrived. "requisite" doesnt quite fit.

The hovering chopper, lingers nigh no longer
Teetering on the horizon, it fades over the yonder
"yonder" is a word that I have always hated. Its not my poem but I would change it.

the sirens are screaming
from across town their sounds bleeding
Yet im sitting here in silence or perhaps maybe dreaming
I would put a comma between "town" and "their" just for pace, and perhaps replace "perhaps maybe dreaming" to something like "quietly dreaming" as perhaps and maybe mean basicaly the same thing.

The solice of lonliness the telltale mark of Avarice
What is Avarice? I would be interested to know, I tend to like little allusions like this.
Sometimes ambiguous, what I should make of all this
And yet life goes on spinning, an effect most dizzying
In this moment I wonder what more could be missing.

I think I would also chnage "an effect most dizzying" as it doesnt seem to flow with the rest.

Some minor changes to be made, however the ending was neat, and I'm left wondering what this could be specifically about. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, I suppose that depends on what it is about, and whether you want to articulate it or just hint at it.
I liked this. A good poem. (or song? You didnt specify) Perhaps you coudl get to one of mine. (any of the links in my signature will be fine)

Dave