#1
Okay, so this is my first post here. Critique, thanks! I know this is a real unorthodox style song, but its that oddity that made me want to throw it up here. I guess it'd be an acoustic song, very rhythmic melody.

Keep On

If I'm alone
I think
if I think
I cry
if I cry
I kill
if I kill
you die

If we co-exist
can we fit?
Can we fit
in the same place
the same place
we once loved
we once loved
each other

then he came
and you left
you left me
here thinking
and we know
when I think
I'm alone
and I cry

I drove home
alone I
was alone
the first time
and now since
your not here
my eyes shut
I speed up
I keep on
keeping on
I cant see
55 into a tree

They said I
Went crazy
right after
you left me
left me for
some guy
and soon after
I died

When I was alone
I thought
When I thought
I cried
When I cried
I killed
This time I killed
My own mind
#2
was this written on the spot?
didnt sound like mych work was put into it...
lines were too short for me,
i couldnt find a good flow,

basically your best line was

I cant see
55 into a tree

and the rest was just rubbish,

i know that might have sounded harsh, but it wasnt meant at that, its constructive,
id say take more time with your writing

maybe id feel different with the recording, send me a link when it gets recorded..... i think thatll help with the crit.


id probably like it better if i could hear the flow that you intend with it,

and i definately thought you could have written something better than this


left me for
some guy

that just sounds like a 13 year olds first girlfriend song.

id give it a 5/10, and id say take more time with your writing.

and if you like the song, dont let this crit stnd in your way, if you like it, play it, dont listen to anyone. especially me

but i liked
i cant see
55 into a tree
good line, best words in the song.