#1
Home alone at 12 am
Reading novels by the fire
Chocolate wrappers in my hand
Giving light to my desires
Snow is falling in the night
My bit of heaven come to earth
Illuminated by the lights
Beauty for all that it is worth
There comes a ringing at the door
I look up wishing it was you
Coming back to me for more
Cause it turns out our love was true
But it's some girl who's just like me
She heard you were living here now
But she doesn't look shocked to see
That you have already moved out
I invite her to come in
She hesitates, but then complies
Break out my best bottle of gin
Because she's looking dead inside
And then the story just comes out
How, though she knew he was a cheat,
She couldn't bear to kick him out
Funny how she sounds like me
And we're reliving all the laughs
We're reenacting all the fights
Because for all the time we lost
We'll never forget those few nights
Guess it's too bad you couldn't see
What a great thing you once had
But you used her like you used me
And I guess it's just so sad
If you only would have thought
Before throwing us away
But we're the kind that can't be bought
You'll never again be with me
She too got chocolates and the wine,
Roses on her bed at night
And now looking back in time
How did you ever feel right
Because you just keep moving on
When you find someone who is better
First you try to break us down
And then you leave us once we let you
What is a man like you worth?
When nothing can replace these times
And you weren't born right here on earth
You come from somewhere they teach crimes
To chew us up and spit us out
How do you ever sleep at night?
Of all the people you've let down
Didn't one of them seem right?
But by now, it's another day
We've shared our hearts and shared our tales
And a life draws her away
Back to a day of bargain sales
But I won't let her forget
And she will keep me hanging on
To all the things not happened yet
Cause in the future, we'll have won.

-Caryn

thanks, crit for crit!!
#2
it's pretty good, long but good. sometimes it's sorta difficult to see whether you're talking about you, or her, but other than that good. um, it would make it easier to read if you broke it into stanza's too. could you crit my newest, shattered glass? it's in my sig.