#1
sry about my first post... guess i should have read the rules
well ne way just looking for some feedback on my first song


So many nights spent under starry skies
You might have thought time had finally passed us by
But fate's cruel grasp was soon to have its way
On that sorry morning of that long november day

Chorus:
And I still see the sun that day
I still see the sun i never thought would fade
And i still wonder why it all happened so fast
I still wonder why the past is the past

Amber skies violently fading to black
It seemed true love was finally under attack
Shadows overwhelmed and time itself stood still
Nature paused, to admire all at its will

Chorus

Grey clouds touched down claiming all that was good
Oceans vanished and finally i understood
I called your name praying for you to come
but it seems with you gone my soul finally gave up
#2
Quote by thefish33
sry about my first post... guess i should have read the rules
well ne way just looking for some feedback on my first song


So many nights spent under starry skies
You might have thought time had finally passed us by
But fate's cruel grasp was soon to have its way
On that sorry morning of that long november day

good intro, i liked it, didnt hold my attention well, i read it a few times and then it grew on me. i think you have something here.

Chorus:
And I still see the sun that day
I still see the sun i never thought would fade
And i still wonder why it all happened so fast
I still wonder why the past is the past

i really like this chorus, kind of wish i would have wrote it, simple but clever and catchy.

Amber skies violently fading to black
It seemed true love was finally under attack
Shadows overwhelmed and time itself stood still
Nature paused, to admire all at its will

i liked the first two lines, the second two, not so much, but the first two were great, id change the last ones, they are well written and skilled, but i dont think they really fit in this stanza very well.

Chorus(i love the chorus)

Grey clouds touched down claiming all that was good
Oceans vanished and finally i understood
I called your name praying for you to come
but it seems with you gone my soul finally gave up

i liked the end, i would repeat the chorus once more, but this last verse was a great ending nonetheless.


this is my favorite piece that i have read on here in a while, i htink you have something with these lyrics. easy to relate to, catchy and clever.

i like this, send me a link when you record it.

what genre is this going to be, i think itd be a great acoustic song.
good job,
8/10

would you mind giving a few words on Photographs (song for mom) or radio flyer? (linky in sig)
Last edited by TonyRandall at Nov 8, 2007,
#3
nostalgic song man, i really liked it, brings me stuff from many passed moons.

the only thing i'm not so sure about is the chorus repeating the words "still" and "wonder why" so many times, it's very repetitive.
#5
Chorus:
And I still see the sun that day
I still see the sun i never thought would fade
And i still wonder why it all happened so fast
I still wonder why the past is the past----> i still dont know why.....(i think that would be better.