I have been writing songs for a while now but have been scared to show them to anyone so here's one that's not quite finished. Just give me your opinions and tell me what you think about it. Thanks.

Now she’s losing control of the life she once loved
Oh a life that was filled with joy just a week ago
And then she caught him
The pain from that day destroyed her
And now she’s
Spilling her guts on the cold bathroom floor
She lies
She lies
In the dried blood of the broken hearted
She dies, only knowing that their love is worth all of this
And so much more
Yes, so much more
While he sits at home crying
Leaving messages of apologies for crimes undescribed
And now he lies
He lies
In the blood underlying it all
While she runs down the stairs screaming finally realizing
Life is not a game
A game