#1
Please don’t leave me alone dear
I’ll be sitting by the phone here
We can talk for hours
About nothing at all

And I know I’m not ready to lose this
Please don’t use me
Because I miss you
More than I want you to know


I can always hear the sound of the freeway
If I listen late at night
All those lost souls traveling
Following the billboard signs

Well everybody’s got to follow someone
Because everyone wants to get somewhere
I may not know where I’m going
But I’ll recognize it when I’m there

There’s so much wasted life
But I don’t feel as bad as I should
I waste so much time
I know I don’t feel like I could

“If you don’t take your chances
You’re gonna settle for ordinary glances”, she tells me
I used to have everything figured out
What am I gonna do about all this doubt

Just wait, just wait
For the darkness to discover the day
Just wait, just wait
And everything will be okay


The bolded part is the chorus. I think this has high points and so-so points. Tell me what you think and I'll return the critique.
Last edited by guitardan76 at Nov 9, 2007,
#2
in the first verse,it should be hear instead of heard.i haven't seen the whole thing.i may crit it later
Quote by Gunpowder
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#4
Please don’t leave me alone dear
I’ll be sitting by the phone here
We can talk for hours
About nothing at all

MMM...the flow of the first stanza is a little disproportional. Like the first to lines are nicely in unison but the second set is a little out of place. maybe put those 2 together and add another line?
In terms of words...the first to lines just don't seem like they work to well for me. Can you try not to use that rhyme scheme. AABC just doesn't work well for me in this piece. Dear is to cliche. Maybe something like "Please don't leave me alone like this". I think it flows in nicer than your's. Just a thought...

And I know I’m not ready to lose this
Please don’t use me
Because I miss you
More than I want you to know


The And here dosn't bring a transition around like it should. Just ditch it and add another syllable. Other than that...perfect stanza!!!!!

I can always hear the sound of the freeway
If I listen late at night
All those lost souls traveling
Following the billboard signs


So far this is sounding like a great acoustic piece. But the third line of this stanza sounds like you jacked the title from James Blunts album. I mean it flows but it sounds a little fammiler.

Well everybody’s got to follow someone
Because everyone wants to get somewhere
I may not know where I’m going
But I’ll recognize it when I’m there


Perfect line...but i think if you could add the word agenda in here it would rock!

There’s so much wasted life
But I don’t feel as bad as I should
I waste so much time
I know I don’t feel like I could


Wasted life....hmmm...i would ditch that and replace it with something else. I don't know what but...i think it would fit better/

“If you don’t take your chances
You’re gonna settle for ordinary glances”, she tells me
I used to have everything figured out
What am I gonna do about all this doubt


This flowed nicley but its a little out of whack with the quotes. Try taking them out?

Just wait, just wait
For the darkness to discover the day
Just wait, just wait
And everything will be okay


Nice ending to a great song.
I think it would make a nice piano acoustic guitar song!
#6
Thanks! I did feel like that one line was a little James Bluntish but it fit exactly what I wanted to say so I left it.