#1
This song was orginally meant to be a poem that I wrote in my English class to bump up my mark for the essay I wrote that day. So, If you have any suggestions or anything, shoot them at me. I'd be glad to make some changes. And if you absolutely hate the song, then tell me.
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The smell of your fallen comrades,
The pain I could not bear.

When I open my eyes, I not only hear the cry,
but see the soldiers filled with fear.

Oh, the courage it takes,
to pick up a gun,
knowing you will take someones life.

The hearts it will break,
and the tears it will shed,
but still, you do as your told.

God know's you don't want to,
and he forgives you for that.
He prays for you everyday.

For the smell of your fallen comrades,
the pain not even he could bear.

Open eyes,
thats all it takes to see their courage.
You can't deny, they pain you bear inside.
Let loose,
And show the world how much you care.
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There's still more, but I would like to know how I'm doing before I finish the song.
#2
this is really good.
it's really touching, and i like the reality of it.
good job.

Originally posted FML
Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this."

#5
Alright.

Go and read the rules, please. No bumping. If you want replies, critique people's work. Also read the thread entitled "Advice on critiques".

"Hai there I likeh dat song , it was good GJ" ain't a critique and people won't return it. Be constructive. Like I said, read the advice on critiques thread.

Also, when you reply to someone's thread in their sig, look at the date it was posted. You bumped some pieces by Jamminbass that were written in august. If at least it would have been to say something relevant, I could tolerate, but as you done it, it was completely useless.

Let's say that this time, you didn't know, but next time I'll have to warn you, so be careful.

Welcome around.