#1
How they dream of lions
But they just don’t understand
What the melancholy hand
Of age has taught them.
Now they’ve built their houses
Unnecessarily arboreal
Calling down until they feel
They’re safe, but wanted.

Then collapse upon the beaten skins
Of foes whose woes go beyond sins,
And hold the eyes of lusty wrens
Trading them like marbles.
The offspring of another one
Individual like every other one
Clinging to what they know they can
Attain at any level.

How they see the future
Like a herd of loaded guns
Wishing that they could run
But fearing nothing.
Now they’ve seen they’re mortal
And they fear their own knuckles
Praying they won’t buckle
Onto the trigger.

Then once the bullets sink into
Their skin it’s time to sink into
The stream through which they dragged their toes
And spread their fingers.
And webbed their digits have become
To help propel themselves along
The crass and snaking stream they ride
Bloated and speechless.

And the lioness’s fury
Comes upon them from the clouds
To strike their homely houses down
Into charred splinters.
Last edited by jamminbass at Nov 12, 2007,
#2
Great piece of writing, but perhaps change the lines around a bit to make the rhyme fit into the beat a bit, you know? Good job, though.
#3
Well I had a flow in my head as I wrote it and it's pretty specific. I can see why it would read off beat as it is without the idea I have in my head, so I'll keep it how it is...but thank's for the comment.

I also added more.
#4
Deleting your post in order to write a new one saying the same thing + 5 words is considered as bumping. Even if it's to say that you "added stuff". Sorry.

You know the drill,

Mat