#1
This sad poetry is dead,
Buried in a grave of
self trust and dark lust with
no one there to save us.

I counted every sin
that left her glistening lips.
Took it down and
put her love on top of it.

Chorus:
Day after day, it will
rain in my wake,
tears wept for past ages,
for dead lovers' sake.

A vicious cycle, breeding
angst and infamy.
Soon it shall implode, I pray,
and disappear from history.

This afternoon will find me
bleeding out on the floor.
My lust for life is vanquished;
this love is no more.

Crit for crit... you know the drill.
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#2
Quote by altosaxgeek5
This sad poetry is dead,
Buried in a grave of
self trust and dark lust with
no one there to save us.
I liked this, especially the first line, i did not spot anything wrong, kept my attention

I counted every sin
that left her glistening lips.
Took it down and
put her love on top of it.
Good, i liked how it took the love is blind theme for this stanza.

Chorus:
Day after day, it will
rain in my wake,
tears wept for past ages,
for dead lovers' sake.
nothing wrong i see

A vicious cycle, breeding
angst and infamy.
Soon it shall implode, I pray,
and disappear from history.
i didnt really understand why the I pray is there, or how it works there, but thats probably out of my stupidity

This afternoon will find me
bleeding out on the floor.
My lust for life is vanquished;
this love is no more.
nothing i spot.


this was good, nice job

c4c?
http://w9.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=710338