#1
yeah i dont have any idea which passages are gonna be verses, chorus, etc.
so right it's more like a bunch of little poems right now:

Back at square one again
It hurts more now then it did then
How could you not see what you did to me?
How can you pretend?

You were the worst time of my life
The rollercoaster kept on turning
I remember when I thought you'd be my wife
Remember when the feeling were still burning

Seeing you meant everything to me
What a facade this all turned out to be
Now if I saw you on fire
I wouldn't put it out with my pee

It it true that I'm too nice?
That I show way too much pity?
Well shame on me, cuz you fooled me twice
I just can't help but feel ****ty

I swear I've never heard so many lies
In such a short amount of time
I almost drowned in the pool of blood
From this wounded back of mine

I'll say it now: I'm officially done
Done with stressing over you
I heard you found yourself someone
So I know that it's all true

I realize, everything that came out of your mouth
Was bull****, without a doubt
But now I watch my happiness rise
while the sadness goes south

But I must ask: How does it feel?
Putting on that big smile everyday
Knowing you'll do anything, on the real
Just to get things to go your way

My whole month was a bust
So now I guess it must
Be time for me to move right on
And hop on that city bus

Not knowing where I'll go
But what I do know
Is that I leave this place with a smile on my face
Never looking back once I leave the door
Quote by Dæmönika
I'm afraid of you...MDoggDX316phobia

Quote by Imperial
Yes, Master MDoggDX316

Ain't Nuthin' But a UG Thang: The Hype Man of the UG Hip
Hop/Guitar Music Equality Illuminati
#2
no offence buddy but u need to work on ur variety of ur verses/choruses/watever they are. right now they are all quatrains, change it up a little put some cinquains, or octuplets in there. also never use '****ty' in a song, it just makes the song sound unproffessional
#3
Yeah like I said it's just a bunch of random stuff right now. I get what you're saying though.
Quote by Dæmönika
I'm afraid of you...MDoggDX316phobia

Quote by Imperial
Yes, Master MDoggDX316

Ain't Nuthin' But a UG Thang: The Hype Man of the UG Hip
Hop/Guitar Music Equality Illuminati