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#1
and here is how the conversation went.

*phone rings*
Me: "Hello?"
Friend: "Hey (Rockford_rocks' real name), it's (Rockford_rocks' friend's name)."
Me: "Oh hey, what's up?"
F: "Uhh.. not much really."
Me: "Cool. Same here."
F: "Uhh, I have a bit of a problem."
Me: "Oh great, this should be funny. Let's hear."
F: "Uh, ok. Well you know my penis right.. my meat, my tool.. the thing I beat?"
Me: "y... yeah?"
F: "Well.. it appears to be stuck."
Me: "Wait, stuck where?"
F: "Uhh.. you promise you won't tell?"
Me: "Sure.."

F: *in incredibly serious voice* "My dick is stuck in a jar of peanut butter."

*long silence*
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
F: "No dude, you gotta help me! I've already tried calling other people, including (One of my friends who is a girl)! She told me to lube my dick up, but that just made it worse!"

Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA *falls out of chair* Why would yo.. HAHA.. ask her?"
F: "I don't know dude, but I'm desperate for help! If you're not going to help me, I'll call someone else, goodbye! *hangs up*"


Thought I'd share this epic story with the pit.
#3
hahahahahahahahahhaha oh man i think i just woke up some ppl laughing at that
#5
lmfaO

pics or didnt happen.
Quote by Thepoison92
Go as a tampon
White shirt, white hat, white trousers (cheap ones) and cover the bottom half in fake blood, also have to write 'Tampax' on the shirt, so people know what you are and can then be disgusted.
#6
that truly is epic.

wow.

what was he....nevermind. i probably don't want to know.

chaosedit: was it chunky...or...?
#7
how would u get it stuck in peanutbutter
Quote by kriscornella2@g
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Quote by GiantRaven
****ing Coheed freaks...


FREE WARPED TOUR TICKETS!!!
zune. i <3 my turd brown 30 gig.
#9
^he found a way.
My stuff:
Gibson SG (for playability.......and looks)
Mexican Strat (for some reason i have two)
Hohner HW440G-TB Acoustic/Electric
#14
Quote by H_ngm_n
lmfaO

pics or didnt happen.




If you knew the guy, you wouldn't need pics to believe it.
#15
Peanut butter jar? What the fuck?
Quote by 6079 Smith W
One time I had this chick setting on my lap, sucking on my neck, unbuttoning my pants when one of my friends walked in and ruined the whole thing. To be fair though, she was his girlfriend.

Shoopin' that whoop since before you were born, son.
#16
he has to be hung like a blue whale to get it stuck in a jar of PB!!!!!!!
Quote by Gunpowder
The Pit is to intelligence what a black hole is to light; it's devoid of reason and logic, and nothing can escape it's shadowy depths. Once you enter, you cannot leave.
#18
, thats rediculous man.
my gear: ibanez destroyer( with gibson 500t pickup), epiphone les paul plus,ampeg electric, marshall jcm2000 triple super lead half stack
#20
wtf.. cant he just pull it out? pretty retarded if u ask me
I see no sign of fortress.
#21
Quote by Shredder Guitar
he has to be hung like a blue whale to get it stuck in a jar of PB!!!!!!!


Well, the jar was full of peanut butter, a rather sticky and thick substance..
#22
How do you get it stuck in a jar of peanut butter? It can't get stuck in the opening and I doubt that peanut butter hardens that quickly

So it is stuck in the actual butter? You can just pull it out...Or get a spoon and scoop out the surrounding PB ...

=\
#23
F: "Uhh.. you promise you won't tell?"


Thank you for betraying your friend just to let us know what's up

Q#m
e|--6--|
B|--5--|
G|--7--|
D|--7--|x2586
A|--5--|
E|-----|


Play until she breaks up with you.

The most brutal band to ever exist is...

You should go like them...even if you don't like them.


-Sloppyjoe24
#24
This reminds me vaguely of the time that one of our health teachers told us not to believe what we read on the internet. Apparently, two gay dudes had to go to the emergency room, because they read on the internet, that you could use JIF chunky peanut butter as lubricant... sounds to me your friend is having a similar ordeal.
Gear:
Ibanez RG7321 Seven String
Epiphone Iommi Signature SG
Digitech Scott Ian Black 13
VOX Valvetronix AD100VTH
Laney 4x12 w/Celestion 50s
#25
Thank you, Rockford_rocks. That was amazing.
Gunpowder: FUCKING ROCKS!!!
Quote by The Madcap
[witty set-up]
Gunpowder FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!

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Gunpowder you fucking rock!!

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Now I can say, with sufficient certainly, that you, Gunpowder...

FUCK ROCKS!
#26
Quote by JB2500
never happened


I will give you 16 tintillion dollars if it never happened.

Yes, I just made up that number.
#27
Quote by H_ngm_n
lmfaO

pics or didnt happen.


why the hell would you wanna see a picture of some guy sticking his dick in a peanut butter jar, i mean even if the guy did make it up its a pretty funny story
#28
I think I'm the only one here that feels bad for your friend...no one wants to help him get his dick out of peanut butter.
E-married to ilikepirates

Quote by bloodtrocuted93

How are you so fucking awesome at music?


>¦<
¦
#29
Wait.... peanut butter?

Talk about a rough journey.

Voted 3rd Friendliest User of UG 2010

BUILD A TIME MACHINE, AND JERK OFF IN IT, AND SEND IT TO HITLER!


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#30
Quote by kirbyrocknroll
How do you get it stuck in a jar of peanut butter? It can't get stuck in the opening and I doubt that peanut butter hardens that quickly

So it is stuck in the actual butter? You can just pull it out...Or get a spoon and scoop out the surrounding PB ...

=\


Yeah, but my friend is a complete idiot.
#33
Quote by Rockford_rocks
and here is how the conversation went.
F: "Uhh.. you promise you won't tell?"
Rockford_rocks: "Sure.."

F: *in incredibly serious voice* "My dick is stuck in a jar of peanut butter.".



somone should sig this part.

Left hand man of the fargoth fanclub! PM lamafunguy to join.

Quote by InvaderTSN
Better yet. "My arm is tired, could I put it in between your legs so I can sexually violate you during the movie?"
Quote by Irnmaiden4life
lets watch this thread die like i should have on page 1
#34
Quote by SenseS FaiL
why the hell would you wanna see a picture of some guy sticking his dick in a peanut butter jar, i mean even if the guy did make it up its a pretty funny story


Not only is he naked and has his dick in a jar of peanut butter, he's not the prettiest bulb on the Hanukkah tree either..

Z-Edit: None of you have to believe it, I never said you did, but I know it's true. It happened. Sorry if you can't comprehend that.
#36
maybe he squezed he balls in there as well that would make it get stuck........i think.............
#37
Tell him to try the jelly next time. Much less sticky.
E-married to ilikepirates

Quote by bloodtrocuted93

How are you so fucking awesome at music?


>¦<
¦
#38
Quote by IronMaiden5
I guess he won't be having any peanut butter and jelly sandwiches any time soon.

I will be
DOWN&OUT
#40
Quote by wozzsta
maybe he squezed he balls in there as well that would make it get stuck........i think.............


I wouldn't put it past him.
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