#1
this is my essay is due tomorrow could you guys help me out real quick. im not very good at grammar and english is not my 1st languange
can you guys proofread it? and help me with punctuaction and stuff is due tomorrow is 1:41am here so any help is appreciated
and btw is know the ps3 is superior lol but i had to bs it so i could write some stuff

my life depends on it





There are many video game consoles available today. the most popular being the Xbox 360 ,and the Playstation 3, choosing a console is a hard choice to be able to choose a system wisely it should be judge on three categories on the games the system has, the features the system offer and price.


Features

Xbox 360 has a better graphic card which gives better graphics when playing videogames for example the shadows are more detailed in the Xbox 360 giving the game a more realistic aspect which results in a more enjoyable experience when playing videogames beside the shadows the detail in little objects are more detailed as well for example a car looks more round and more defined. The ps3 video card is not as powerful is still pretty strong but the shadows are not very detailed making some game look not as realistic as many people would like it to be also the detail level is not as high for example a car will look square from a distance but not as square as the object gets closer.

The Xbox 360 has better online features for example there extra content that can be downloaded to the system like extra maps, weapons, vehicles, etc, besides the content that can be downloaded there is the service to play with other people called Xbox live the way it works is that it matches people with the same skill level, and puts them together to play together or play against each other. the Playstation 3 has the feature to download content but it doesn’t have as much content to be downloaded also there is not a service that matches people with the same skill level for example in a Playstation 3 online game the person is matched with any person that means it could be a pro or someone who cant play very well and this makes the experience less enjoyable since some people like to be competitive and play with somebody that can offer some competition and also some people like to play against somebody they can stand their ground since is not very enjoyable to lose a game a million to zero.


Games

the Xbox 360 at the moment has more games since it was release before the Playstation 3.for video gamers this means game prices are going to go down since videogames lose their value over time for example when a new game is release it cost around fifty dollars when three months or more have passed the value has drops to around forty to thirty dollars and if more time passes by it ends costing around 10 dollars besides cheaper games there is more variety of games for example for Xbox there are games such as Halo 3, Gears Of War and Bioshock these 3 games are the most popular at the moment and halo 3 is exclusive for Xbox 360 in contrast the Playstation 3 lacks games and the games that are available for the ps3 are available for the Xbox 360 making the Xbox 360 the obvious choice in this aspect since more games are available for the Xbox 360 like halo 3 and other games. The prices of videogames for the Playstation 3 are very expensive at the moment since it was released after the Xbox 360 which means not much time has passed for the games to devaluate enough to make affordable for most people.

Price:

price is always a factor when choosing a videogame console there are many versions of the Xbox 360 for example there is the core version, the halo version and the elite version
the core version cost 350 dollars the halo version cost 400 dollars the elite version cost 450 dollars. The core edition like the name implies has the very basic components such as the cable, controller, console, and cables to connect it to a television. The halo edition has the same component just an extra headset and a different paint job on the console. The elite version has the same component as the halo version just an extra cable HDMI which works with high definitions TV for better graphics. The Playstation 3 on the other hand has two versions the 400 dollars version and the 500 dollars version. The 400 dollars version has just the core component and 2 USB ports removed that reduce the price of the console to 400 dollars the system include the cables, console and controller. The 500 dollar version has the 2 USB ports and the HDMI cable and the same components the basic version has. In other words Playstation 3 removes features to reduce price while the Xbox 360 remains relatively cheap at 350 dollars while maintaining all its components not altered the elite version of the Xbox 360 offers more feature and it cost the same as the basic version of the Playstation 3.

In conclusion the Xbox 360 is the best system out of the two since the price is not very high and still is able to offer more features than the Playstation 3 and also there are more games available and cheaper for the Xbox 360 than there is for the Playstation
my guitar stuff:
ESP JH-600
ValveKing 112
DigiTech Whammy Pedal
Taylor 314CE
Dunlop SW-95 Slash Wah Pedal
Cordoba C7 Nylon String Acoustic Guitar
Metal muff
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster Ash
#2
lots of your sentences are too long. Can't be assed to read it all but when i was skimming through it really stuck out
Rig:

Gibson ES-335
Peavy Classic 30
#3
No. Just because you're BSing the Xbox 360 as better. It IS better!
I hate people. Especially black people.
#4
Never say "in conclusion", be more formal in your writing. There's a lot of choppy sentences and slang. AVOID SLANG! Also, you NEED to practice your punctuation and avoid run-on sentences. What grade are you in?
#6
Quote by stefan1988
the Playstation 3 has the feature to download content but it doesn’t have as much content to be downloaded also there is not a service that matches people with the same skill level for example in a Playstation 3 online game the person is matched with any person that means it could be a pro or someone who cant play very well and this makes the experience less enjoyable since some people like to be competitive and play with somebody that can offer some competition and also some people like to play against somebody they can stand their ground since is not very enjoyable to lose a game a million to zero.


this is all one sentance, which makes it confusing to read; try having one idea per sentance.

i find it helps if you reduce everything you want to say into dot point form, for example:

- playstation 3 has downloadable content
- doesnt have as much content as some (im not sure, it's your idea.)
- there is no feature which matches players skill levels
- this means that players end up playing others of incompatible skill levels
- while some players might like the chalange of playing other advanced players, it means that weaker players will often end up loosers in online games.

i'll try some more in a bit, hope this helps in the meantime.
#8
Introduction:
From ‘There are many’ to ‘and the playstation 3’should all be one sentence- it’s the one main idea you want to present. Then maybe say that it is because of the amount of choice that makes choosing so hard, and then say the criteria for choosing them.

First ‘Features’ paragraph:
It’s a bad idea to repeat words in a sentence- in this case, ‘better’ and ‘graphics’. If your word processor has a thesaurus, look at some of the suggestions. ‘Superior’ might be a good substitute for ‘better’ in this instance. It’s good that you then proceed to say exactly how the graphics are better, by talking about the more detailed shadows and generally more realistic appearance. Maybe then say something like by comparison, the PS3 card isn’t as powerful, because then you start talking about cars and it gets a bit confusing (remember, one idea to a sentence).

Second ‘Features’ paragraph:
Your first sentence stretches for aggges. Break it down into one idea per sentence.
- The Xbox has better onlines features that the PS3
- These include:
#9
Quote by TheClincher
put it in binary.

+1
Quote by cnut
When I was eight, me and my best friend started "practicing for girls".
Which involved us going into the woods, and him sticking his dick in my ass.
The last time we did it, his sister caught us.

use AVG as your anti-virus
#10
yeah looks good man, i didnt really read it but it had a nice looking layout