#1
(The current Title of this song is the title of this thread)


oh-kay well, i rite alot, i don't know if i'm good but i'd like to kno what u guys think about this. i need some critque-ing and help with my chorus, i don;t know if it really fits. there my major down point . this isn't my best song; but i think i've lost all my others...so.....LOL.
ne-ways any helps appreciated, and don't laugh at me plz!!


-Fenway



Doesn’t the pain compare to,
The way I’m over you.
Sudden, redemption, the end of everything,
And how do, I know that,
Your love compares to mine?

You are, the end of,
My peace intensions…..

(CHORUS)
Have I not given up? Have I not tried enough?
Give me one good reason,
And I’ll drown all of my fears.
Something in that smile, will always keep you near
As I have saAId again, there’s something you should know…
/CHORUS)

There’s something in that secret,
That I don’t want to face.
Silence kills the punch line,
And I find your smiles gone out of style

Intending on ending,
Somewhere different….

~Solo~

(CHORUS)
Have I not given up? Have I not tried enough?
Give me one good reason,
And I’ll drown all of my fears.
Something in that smile, will always keep you near
As I have saAId again, there’s something you should know…
(/CHORUS)
Last edited by fenwayfaithful at Nov 13, 2007,
#2
i usually give a half-a**ed detailed crit but i only have one thing to say about this peace
i really liked alot im not even gonna leave you a link to mine beacuse i don think i deservefor you to crit mine after just givin you a oneliner anyways its great and if you have anything else just send me a link and i will gladly crit it for you and that one will probably be more in depth sorry i couldnt help more but i dont think this piece needs any halp what so ever its great keep it up

Doesn’t the pain compare to,
The way I’m over you.
Sudden, redemption, the end of everything,
And how do, I know that,
Your love compares to mine?

You are, the end of,
My peace intensions…..

(CHORUS)
Have I not given up? Have I not tried enough?
Give me one good reason,
And I’ll drown all of my fears.
Something in that smile, will always keep you near
As I have saAId again, there’s something you should know…
/CHORUS)

There’s something in that secret,
That I don’t want to face.
Silence kills the punch line,
And I find your smiles gone out of style

Intending on ending,
Somewhere different….

~Solo~

(CHORUS)
Have I not given up? Have I not tried enough?
Give me one good reason,
And I’ll drown all of my fears.
Something in that smile, will always keep you near
As I have saAId again, there’s something you should know…
#3
thanks alot dude. i don't mind, you didn't have to look at it at all but u did anyway, so a "oneliner" is fine by me
Last edited by fenwayfaithful at Nov 14, 2007,