#1
I guess this would be my first Poem, Drowned.


Confusion fills the room, it starts to flood.
Finally I begin to drown, in tons of questions. They push me down.
Looking around, wondering "what is that sound" It's the sound of fear.
The fear of seeing the end, of this life that's for rent. From behind
there sounds a scream, that comes from a dream that seems to have lost reality, it seems so far away, as far as the life he wanted,
but took for granted.

You spot a dot of light in the distance, you catch it just to find out it's a broken promise, of the girl that now makes me vomit.

Above me there is another spot of hope in the darkness,
the spot of hope that stopped me from being broken-hearted.
Altough I soon found out, the hope was the one, to push my last bit of breath out.
And now I'm not afraid to admit, I'm drowned, in my pain, in the flowing tears, and my fears.


Cheers for reading
#2
Confusion fills the room, it starts to flood.
Finally I begin to drown, in tons of questions. They push me down.
Looking around, wondering "what is that sound" It's the sound of fear.
The fear of seeing the end, of this life that's for rent. From behind
there sounds a scream, that comes from a dream that seems to have lost reality, it seems so far away, as far as the life he wanted,
but took for granted.=i like the start its strong i like how it flows with no rhyme!

You spot a dot of light in the distance, you catch it just to find out it's a broken promise, of the girl that now makes me vomit.=this part right here feels wierd it just doesnt fit to but i have no idea what im talkin about!!!!! so dont take that any bad kinda way because its your piece you get to make as wierd or as simple or complex by the way im not callin this piece simple because its not actually very complex i like wrappin my brain around it anywaysmoving right along

Above me there is another spot of hope in the darkness,
the spot of hope that stopped me from being broken-hearted.=wierd but flows nicely
Altough I soon found out, the hope was the one, to push my last bit of breath out.
And now I'm not afraid to admit, I'm drowned, in my pain, in the flowing tears, and my fears.
the only real thing i would change would be i'm drowned to i've drowned unless you are currently drowing if so then doggy paddle to the egde and catch your breath
i know that last line had no bearing on the piece whatsoever i just thought i would add it
anyways i hope that could help if nothing else maybe a little confidence booster!!!!!!