#1
OTS. The layout is a bit strange, although that's what happened to it as I was writing it and I thought why should I change it?


Young and old
in the marketplace;
hands in the air,
trying to catch miracles
as they fell
from the sky.
Stars landed by their feet
and they smelled
of sulphur and
gunpowder. They ran scared.
Back into their houses,
those wooden fortifications
where they felt safe,
peering through glassless
windows as the man
with no name came
from a hole in the ground
and turned the stones to dust,
the man who would
raze their homes
and take their children
back to the Below
where they would become slaves
and help in the
demise of the world
they were taken from.
And then Friar England
will stand upon the hill
and in his hand he will
hold a piece of paper
and on that paper will be
the names of the men of
Earth who will rid the land of
those Below, and together
they will save the children
and I will wake up and
taste metal in my water.
#2
I enjoyed this a lot. Lovely, simple imagery and a rather commanding voice. No real complaints.

nice piece.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#3
not bad for on the spot, but if you want this to be something special, it is going to need some work. The ending in particular seemed to drag on, and almost made me fall asleep, so maybe you can cut some of that fat. The first though I though was well written, so that certainly should be something to hang your hat on.

-BJ