#1

A Lot Of Nonsense


But if I had my way

The sun would stop being too bright, to look in the face
And I'd stare that bastard down
Is that the truth? I hope that's the truth

I'd shake all the apples out of their trees
And watch them fall
Is that the truth? I hope that's not the truth

It's probably not a good idea
To break all the branches
And bite my own hand
No, that's not a good idea

This is a lot of nonsense
And it's all that populates my head
It's a lot of nonsense
That's what I've been told time and time again
Gear:
Ibanez JS100
03 Squier Strat
1980 Ovation Matrix Accoustic
Peavey Valveking 112
Washburn T-14 Taurus (Bass)
SWR Working Pro 100 watt bass amp
#3
i kinda agree its good in uniquely wierd kinda way deffinantly like the abstarct views i get when i read this piece how old are you? becuase you have a WISE writing style anyways i dont expect you to crit my piece i was to sghort with yours but i hope it did nothing other than give you a little boost in your confidence!!!!!!
CJ
#4
Quote by juniorfr3ak

A Lot Of Nonsense


But if I had my way
I don't like that this starts with "but". I would take that out.
The sun would stop being too bright, to look in the face
And I'd stare that bastard down
Good intro. Unique thoughts here.
Is that the truth? I hope that's the truth
This seems to come out of nowhere. Rather filler. Is what the truth? You said what you would do if. There's nothing to question. You made a statement. That's it.

I'd shake all the apples out of their trees
And watch them fall
I think you started with a good idea but then didn't know how to continue it. This isn't very strong at all.
Is that the truth? I hope that's not the truth
Again - unneccessary, IMO.

It's probably not a good idea
To break all the branches
And bite my own hand
No, that's not a good idea
The repetition makes this quite redundant. Honestly I havn't a clue where you are going with this now.

This is a lot of nonsense
And it's all that populates my head
It's a lot of nonsense
That's what I've been told time and time again
Mmk. It makes sense now. But I think you could have executed this a lot better. You had a good idea, started really well, but then it declines from there, as if you didn't know how to continue your thoughts.



Overall, I wasn't crazy about it. With some revision, I think it can be good, though. Crit mine if you get a chance. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=713015
#5
Quote by cjsquid
i kinda agree its good in uniquely wierd kinda way deffinantly like the abstarct views i get when i read this piece how old are you?


just turned 16 a couple weeks ago,

and thanks monkeyguitar, I'll crit back in a little bit
Gear:
Ibanez JS100
03 Squier Strat
1980 Ovation Matrix Accoustic
Peavey Valveking 112
Washburn T-14 Taurus (Bass)
SWR Working Pro 100 watt bass amp