#1
this is my second (song) to make appearence on this forum seeing as i joined yesterday :P so do give constructive criticizm

the chorus here has (somewhat) the tune of It's Hard To Say I Do When I Don't- by fall out boy.

i need help deciding which of my titles to use, i want to either call this one "Oceffor"
or "the early bird gets the worm (but the cat knows this too)". don't laugh at my titles there all out there but they mean something to me so go take a flying leep if u hate it (jk.)

k so here it is, comments please!:


Broken down to the floor, left in pieces,
The distances between me, it seethes
And I’ve known that bridges can be burned
But from it what will you ever learn?


(Chorus)
Seconds to disaster, see your face before my eyes,
Minutes into hours, if it was you I would not mind
So try and break down again, and see just how it goes,
No one else believes you now,
crossed yourself, “shoulders, chest, and nose.”
(/Chorus)

Every lie has a true believer,
Someone’s secret, “so what I couldn’t keep it?”
Your life is hypocrisy in waiting….
Our dissolving images are quite degrading

(Chorus)
Seconds to disaster, see your face before my eyes,
minutes into hours, if it was you I would not mind
So try and break down again, and see just how it goes,
No one else believes you now,
crossed yourself, “shoulders, chest, and nose.”
(/Chorus)

(Chorus)
Seconds to disaster, see your face before my eyes,
minutes into hours, if it was you I would not mind
So try and break down again, and see just how it goes,
No one else believes you now,
crossed yourself, “shoulders, chest, and nose.”
(/Chorus)


Our feelings always were adjacent,
And I’ve got the record that proves payment
"my pen is the barrel of the gun, remind me whose side you should be on...." -Fall Out Boy
My Songs:
1)You vs. Me (Can't Compare to Me vs. You)
2) Twelve Miles Of Coastline
(if i could figure out the links then i would )
#2
i really like your chorus its welly written kudos, as for title i kinda like the early bird gets the worm its a bit long but it works
three years
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