#1
This is actually a poem but I'm thinking about changing around parts and turning this into a song. I'll post the poem for now. It was written a few months ago and has been lost in the tornado-swept mess on my desk. Just now found it. Tell me what you think please and which parts you think I should keep or throw out (for the song).

When Days End

"As the time slowly creeps on,
the virus that plagues will spread.
Blackness will tinge the sunset bomb,
and the stories once of life will be dead.

The sun will shine shamefully,
on life it once gave.
The population will accuse blamefully,
for the planet they could have saved.

Rain will turn bitter,
rivers will run black.
The Devil's eyes will glitter,
and his clenched fists, a punch he'll pack.

Like all desperate times,
There come desperate measures.
Men stuck in great grinds,
will search their minds for buried treasures.

Ideas and plans they will form,
thinking they are unique and uncharted.
Only to behold horrid realization born,
their hopes have long departed.

The boy with the maze like hair,
and his father with will so strong.
Will flee in wild despair,
like the jittering waves of a gong.

A depressing story,
as their bond once strong is broken.
When the boy seeks his own glory,
and leaves the father with words unspoken.

The sun will slowly fade,
and distinguish the glorious light.
The moon, with a sarcastic farewell bade,
will be the lands only eyesight.

Quickly society will fade,
and order will vanish.
The world we one day made,
will be dismembered with wide-spread famish.

When the days end,
and this world turns to hell.
I ask of you simply this,
how will you be able to tell?"
#3
absolutly the best thing I have ever read, it was so powerful. Definately turn it into a song but don't throw away the poem, its really, really good.

The sun will slowly fade,
and distinguish the glorious light.
The moon, with a sarcastic farewell bade,
will be the lands only eyesight.

love this

I ask of you simply this,
how will you be able to tell?"

the best, most powerful line in the poem.

I have a an assignment in my drama class this month, can I have your permission to turn this into a small monologue.

well done.
Last edited by Rebus at Nov 15, 2007,
#4
Quote by Rebus
absolutly the best thing I have ever read, it was so powerful. Definately turn it into a song but don't throw away the poem, its really, really good.

The sun will slowly fade,
and distinguish the glorious light.
The moon, with a sarcastic farewell bade,
will be the lands only eyesight.

love this

I ask of you simply this,
how will you be able to tell?"

the best, most powerful line in the poem.

I have a an assignment in my drama class this month, can I have your permission to turn this into a small monologue.

well done.


Really? Well, thanks for the kind words

As for the small monologue, will you be acting it out or turning it in on a piece of paper? If it's acting, then go ahead, if it's on paper you may use the idea but I'd like you to create your own version of it. If you do end up using actual quotes (which I'd rather you not) please insert a "used with permission from the author" somewhere. Ask your teacher if that's aloud too, don't want you getting in trouble
#8
I think this poem is absolutley amazing
definatly turn it into a song and keep the poem