#1
not sold, if it doesn't go down it will be deleted, first three responses whether this survives.

Waltzztztztztztzt

I've got a, lot of,
train trinkets, in, in, in
my box of......
memories, oh my box of things I,
don't, know, where,
to find the track.

to take all the women, i've
ever left for dead, and tie
them to together, chain
them like a paper cut out
holding...
hands, not being able to
tell, where...
one, one will begin and
the other will end oh,
one will being and the
other will end.

I'll take all my girls, that
I've ever loved, and tie them
to the rails of my tiny toy train.
Taken from my head and
layed one by one from the
prettiest to the least, The train
will come and I will be driving and
I stop right before and I think
to myself, "I should have used
a plane."

Terminal velocity,
tiny toy planes, the only
thing I want to take, is
off.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#2
I wanna hear it sung, the way you wrote it definitely sounds like a song.

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#3
I agree, this seems to have been written in a much different way compared to some of your other recent pieces, but that's a good thing. I personally thought this was written well, gets a message across easily, compared to most of your other stuff.. etc. I actually loved the ending a bunch. It could be because I'm drunk, or it could be because it was great.\

Either way, I'd love to go a little more in depth on this one, but I'm not quite able to right now.

It's getting some thumbs up from me, though.
#4
The stuttering in the first stanza is great.

I don't really know what to say. You know I suck at crits.

Just know, that this os soooo Matt! But in a different amazing way that isn't Matt at all. Ya hurr?


Now comment mine....
Poor advice.
#5
The stuttering in the first stanza is great.

I don't really know what to say. You know I suck at crits.

Just know, that this is soooo Matt! But in a different amazing way that isn't Matt at all. Ya hurr?


Now comment mine....
Poor advice.