#1
Wrote it this morning after a strange dream. Kinda slow and saddish but with a hint of hope, think counting crows


<verse 1>
Running in the cold.
Spring in Winter, and you feel so old
"One more pint mate, I'm seeing double tonight"
He'll forget your order and take your wife.

<chorus>
Although you can't hear the numbers
And these colours just don't add up.
You'll play to the last ball, it's double or nothing
And you aren't going home alone...

<verse 2>
You've got chalk on your nose and 10 pounds in change,
It'd take 20 men to separate you from this game.
Your hat is almost three weeks old
But it's not quite done...

<chorus>
Although you can't hear the numbers
And these colours just don't add up.
You'll play to the last ball, it's double or nothing
And you aren't going home alone...

<instrumental bridge>

<outro>
All you know is what's in your head,
And maybe that's enough in the end,
Never again but maybe tomorrow,
Maybe tomorrow... you'll try

you'll try,
you'll try...
and this time it'll be different


Playing on an acoustic. Chords Am, C/G, F, Dm, G

First song I've ever finished
Last edited by Potski at Nov 16, 2007,
#2
Quote by Potski

<verse 1>
Running in the cold.
Spring in Winter, and you feel so old
"One more pint mate, I'm seeing double tonight"
He'll forget your order and take your wife.

The first two lines don't grab me, I think the rhyme cold/old has become cliche. Maybe a jumble of vocab to add here. The next two lines though, I like a lot. They flow nicely, not forced, and begin the theme strong.

<chorus>
Although you can't hear the numbers
And these colours just don't add up.
You'll play to the last ball, it's double or nothing
And you aren't going home alone...

I know I'm probably not being insightful enough, I haven't caught on to the purpose of the chorus. I think it is saying how the player can't leave the game, can't lose or it will ruin him. The words are nice, I do feel like the flow is off just a bit though, but then again if sung that can change.

<verse 2>
You've got chalk on your nose and 10 pounds in change,
It'd take 20 men to separate you from this game.
Your hat is almost three weeks old
But it's not quite done...

First two lines, nice imagery nice flow. The next two lose me. I feel as if this isn't speaking of a real physical hat, but I haven't caught on to what it really means.

<chorus>
Although you can't hear the numbers
And these colours just don't add up.
You'll play to the last ball, it's double or nothing
And you aren't going home alone...

<instrumental bridge>

<outro>
All you know is what's in your head,
And maybe that's enough in the end,
Never again but maybe tomorrow,
Maybe tomorrow... you'll try

you'll try,
you'll try...
and this time it'll be different

This I like, I have been one for hope. It adds a new dimension to the aching sadness, that they still carry on and the hope is strong. I like it,



Overall I like it. The only real flaws I saw were some minor flow, which may not be problems when sung, and the cold/old. With those fixes I see it being a very solid piece. If you could crit mine, Dropped Call, I'd greatly appreciate it.