#1
You Used to Be (Version 2)


(Verse)
Whenever I see you you're actin' different but I don't know why,
I ask for a smile but you don't even try.
'Cause lately you've been so strange,
I wait for you but you still don't change

All I've been wanting is an answer,
But lately I just haven't gotten the chance,
To ask, what is up with you?
Is there something I can do?

(Chorus)
So please tell me why, why you've been, so, shy,
I'm sure that any reply would, be, just, fine.
'Cause you used to be, so happy, and, fun,
I just don't know what's happened to everyone.

(Verse)
Everyone can see what's happening,
But you act as if no one can notice a thing.
'Cause lately, you just haven't been the same,
C'mon, give it up I don't wanna play any more games.

(Double Chorus)
So please tell me why, why you've been so shy,
I'm sure that any reply would, be, just, fine,
'Cause you used to be, so happy, and, fun,
I just don't know what's happened to everyone.
So please just tell me why, why you've been, so, shy,
I'm sure any reply would, be, just, fine.
'Cause you used to be, so happy, and, fun,
I just don't know what's happened to everyone.
#2
what kind of music would you use with this?
In my opinion, it could use another verse... maybe to explain the situation a bit more... now all i know is that the "you" person changed and is now shy... I'm sure there can be told more.
anyway, its a nice start
#3
The kind of music would be more of a pop song maybe rock. Thanks for the idea about the new verse too, I'll probably add one soon.
#5
Quote by k00kie M0nster
You Used to Be (Version 2)


(Verse)
Whenever I see you you're actin' different but I don't know why,
I ask for a smile but you don't even try.
'Cause lately you've been so strange,
I wait for you but you still don't change
i love the second line. i like where its headed so far...

All I've been wanting is an answer,
But lately I just haven't gotten the chance,
To ask, what is up with you?
Is there something I can do?
the last to lines flow very well

(Chorus)
So please tell me why, why you've been, so, shy,
I'm sure that any reply would, be, just, fine.
'Cause you used to be, so happy, and, fun,
I just don't know what's happened to everyone.
this paints a good picture. i see someone who is floating along in their life and just cant pinpoint how everything is different.

(Verse)
Everyone can see what's happening,
But you act as if no one can notice a thing.
'Cause lately, you just haven't been the same,
C'mon, give it up I don't wanna play any more games.
a little different than the chorus. the chorus seems to be one person looking out, this seems to be everyone looking in on 'you'.

(Double Chorus)
So please tell me why, why you've been so shy,
I'm sure that any reply would, be, just, fine,
'Cause you used to be, so happy, and, fun,
I just don't know what's happened to everyone.
So please just tell me why, why you've been, so, shy,
I'm sure any reply would, be, just, fine.
'Cause you used to be, so happy, and, fun,
I just don't know what's happened to everyone.
overall it sounds a bit unfinished. it doesnt really have a conclusion. the verses and chorus arent exactly about the same thing, but could work well together if you reworded the chorus a little bit. more about 'you' and not 'everyone'.


nicely done. i would love to hear it as a song. if you change or add anything to this be sure to let me see.
CAN I GET A +1?!
#6
I agree with a lot of what Met had to say, mainly the need of a real conclusion, but let's see what I can do to hopefully help

Quote by k00kie M0nster
You Used to Be (Version 2)


(Verse)
Whenever I see you you're actin' different but I don't know why,
I ask for a smile but you don't even try.
'Cause lately you've been nothing but strange,
I wait for you but you still don't change

Nice play off the first line with the second, but the third line seems a bit short. I tried o remedy that with something you might like.

All I've been wanting is an answer,
But lately I just haven't gotten the chance,
To ask the question for your lips
Is there something I can do?

This is worded a bit less fluidly, but the sentiment behind it is still good.

(Chorus)
So please tell me why, why you've been, so, shy,
I'm sure that any reply would, be, just, fine.
'Cause you used to be, so happy, and, fun,
I just don't know what's happened to everyone.

Great chorus, nothing I'd want to change.

(Verse)
Everyone can see what's happening,
But you act as if no one can notice a thing.
'Cause lately, you just haven't been the same,
C'mon, give it up I don't wanna play any more games.

Same.

(Double Chorus)
So please tell me why, why you've been so shy,
I'm sure that any reply would, be, just, fine,
'Cause you used to be, so happy, and, fun,
I just don't know what's happened to everyone.

So please just tell me what's taken you, now
Still I wait for someone to tell me just how.
You used to know the touch of what's true,
I just don't know what's happened to you.



Overall, I really like it.
Last edited by Delanoir at Nov 17, 2007,
#7
Thank you so much delanoir! Those last lines really helped I've got to go right now but i'll get to critting yours.
#8
I like this too. The emphasis in the chorus is well placed, and the themes are fairly universal. Kudos!
Quote by filthandfury
I only do that on MSN, and I get many complaints about it.

F&F will have cyber sex with you on MSN. He's a bit handsy though.


I have become..... METACARPI!!!!

I wish


Joeymaxx
#9
really good id say maybe tweak the second part of the first verse but it still looks great