#1
Okay, this is my forst attempt at sonnet writing, so forgive the terribly ornamental stryle, it was the only way I could make things fit and sound good. Anyways, crit for crit, as always.

O what callous shadow haunts my steps!
As memories happy refuge does recede
My muse had once a beauty now bereft
To linger on my lips a faint reprise
A potency of heart has all but died
And in its place, a weary lethargy
In keeping up this tender compromise
In making of my love an effigy
To which my fallen muse addresses not
Indeed appears unkowing of my ache
For she still seems in thrall of love forgot
Which I may yet condemn as my mistake
And as you sing upon my ears of rue
I cry Alors, c'est un voie sans issue!
#2
sounds like shakespeare to me
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#3
Dont be daft, its not nearly good enough. You think I'd rip of Shakespeare and then post it on a forum? Like I said, excuse the ornamental style. Its the only way I found I could make it work.
#4
The iambic pentameter is a bit off, as is the rhyming scheme, for it to be a sonnet.

Should be 10 beats in a line, with ABABCDCDEFEFGG rhyming scheme.

It's a good attempt though, with superb language, especially in the combinations. Well done!!

Crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=715767
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I only do that on MSN, and I get many complaints about it.

F&F will have cyber sex with you on MSN. He's a bit handsy though.


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Joeymaxx
#5
Thats good mate. The choice of language is superb. i can;t comment on the last line because je ne parlais pas francais


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