#1
About how everyone seems to be in a band that they think is great , back to my usual style (finally) C4C.


The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band

All those around me, please pay me some mind,
Come out tonight and you'll love what you'll find,
Music so deafening that you'll later be blind,
More unique than the tips of your hand...
So brashly aggressive yet passively kind,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

If you feel sickened, then hesitate 'fore you call,
Don't summon a doctor, they're medical fools,
Summon the group who learnt about drool,
And the posterior pituitary gland...
Fourteen years training in Medical School,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

When your garden is raging, I know who you should see,
These men have tattoos of a pistachio tree,
They strut around covered in red potpourri,
With their own franchised gardening brand...
They've worked with a Glandular Labrador Tea,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band

If you feel threatened, then please don't call me,
Call the group who leave foes knee-deep in debris,
And rode strong behind General Robert Ed. Lee,
Fighting strong for their beloved homeland...
They fought in the Battle of the Philippine Sea,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

My Love, don't mislead me, don't misquote the past,
I'm usually slow, but this time I'm fast,
I saw you last weekend, kissing men in the grass,
And rolling so smoothly 'cross land...
I know who you loved on the Saturday Last,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

Last edited by skagitup at Nov 19, 2007,
#2
Too long for right now... but I'll get back to you on it. If I haven't within 3-4 days, shoot me a PM and I will. PRobably won't be hugely indepth though. vague C 4 vague C. Who knows, I may love it and do a deep crit anyways.

Thanks for looking at mine.

peace and coconuts,

-zC
#4
Hahahaaa I love it I like contraversial stuff, and to be honest I know alot of people in bands that think like that about themselves, pity they're really not. Flows really well and its just amazing really well done [= Love your writing style!
O Hai der.
#7
Jamie:

I'm going to Brighton on the 6th and 7th + 8th of December to record a demo professionally (FINALLY!!)

Got a backing band together and everything!..

This won't be one of the songs BUT the stuff will be goin on my profile once it's done to replace the horrible bedroom recorded rubbish on there atm...

EDIT: Sorry for bump, forgot that i'd only just posted
#8
Quote by skagitup
About how everyone seems to be in a band that they think is great , back to my usual style (finally) C4C.


The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band

All those around me, please pay me some mind,
Come out tonight and you'll love what you'll find,
Music so deafening that you'll later be blind,
More unique than the tips of your hand...
So brashly aggressive yet passively kind,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.
okay, i'm starting to giggle a little. i think you should change line 4 to "more unique than the FINGERtips of your hand.

If you feel sickened, then hesitate 'fore you call,
Don't summon a doctor, they're medical fools,
Summon the group who learnt about drool,
And the posterior pituitary gland...
Fourteen years training in Medical School,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.
haha. smart humor, love.

When your garden is raging, I know who you should see,
These men have tattoos of a pistachio tree,
They strut around covered in red potpourri,
With their own franchised gardening brand...
They've worked with a Glandular Labrador Tea,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band
line 4 doesn't sound right.

If you feel threatened, then please don't call me,
Call the group who leave foes knee-deep in debris,
And rode strong behind General Robert Ed. Lee,
Fighting strong for their beloved homeland...
They fought in the Battle of the Philippine Sea,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

My Love, don't mislead me, don't misquote the past,
I'm usually slow, but this time I'm fast,
I saw you last weekend, kissing men in the grass,
And rolling so smoothly 'cross land...
I know who you loved on the Saturday Last,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.
instead of 'cross, you should use across.


Additional Verses (I was bored last night and wrote about 40 verses , here are a couple:

If you're locked up and just can't find the key,
Justice averted and no way to be free,
Don't call a lawyer, Just listen to me,
This group can spin-swerve Witness Stands...
They're educated by scholars to the highest degree,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

If your seeking an instrument that's commonly sought,
Don't crawl up the backstreets or soon you'll be caught,
I know a group that own so much more than you thought,
And an impressively white baby grand...
They own the guitar that Hendrix first bought,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band

okay, so it wasn't really a good piece, it was funny and had clever humor, and all. it's a song to make someone laugh. and that's about it. but i know what you're talking about, haha, i think that's why i liked it so much.
i'm a music fascist and i'm picky as hell, and everyone thinks they have the greatest band in the world, when in reality, they completely suck buttholes. now, honestly, i know where you're coming from, and i'd probably listen to this song if it were recorded and on cd, but i don't think i'd like it. not really like the song, but
just like what it was about.
as i do.

c4c?
if you're up for it, there's a link in my sig.
#9
Quote by skagitup


The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band

All those around me, please pay me some mind,
Come out tonight and you'll love what you'll find,
Music so deafening that you'll later be blind, <--- Amazing
More unique than the tips of your hand...
So brashly aggressive yet passively kind,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

If you feel sickened, then hesitate 'fore you call,
Don't summon a doctor, they're medical fools,
Summon the group who learnt about drool,
And the posterior pituitary gland...
Fourteen years training in Medical School,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

Drool seems forced. It doesn't really make sense... so it just feels like it was the only thing that rhymed and kinda related.

When your garden is raging, I know who you should see,
These men have tattoos of a pistachio tree,
They strut around covered in red potpourri,
With their own franchised gardening brand...
They've worked with a Glandular Labrador Tea,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band

If you feel threatened, then please don't call me,
Call the group who leave foes knee-deep in debris,
And rode strong behind General Robert Ed. Lee,
Fighting strong for their beloved homeland...
They fought in the Battle of the Philippine Sea,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

Love it. Just so witty.

My Love, don't mislead me, don't misquote the past,
I'm usually slow, but this time I'm fast,
I saw you last weekend, kissing men in the grass,
And rolling so smoothly 'cross land...
I know who you loved on the Saturday Last,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

Again, just witty to boot. Me likey.


Additional Verses (I was bored last night and wrote about 40 verses , here are a couple:

If you're locked up and just can't find the key,
Justice averted and no way to be free,
Don't call a lawyer, Just listen to me,
This group can spin-swerve Witness Stands...
They're educated by scholars to the highest degree,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band.

If your seeking an instrument that's commonly sought,
Don't crawl up the backstreets or soon you'll be caught,
I know a group that own so much more than you thought,
And an impressively white baby grand...
They own the guitar that Hendrix first bought,
The Guitar-Playing Clean-Sounding Pop-Vocal Band



I really enjoyed this. I love witty pieces. Some of the rhyming felt forced, but honestly forgivable considering the content. Goodwork. Thanks for looking at my piece.

-zC
#10
This is awesome man. I have nothing bad to say on this, it makes an example of some of the boasters out there and it works well without being forced. Great title and use of repetition of such. Ace man
C4C my sig?
Quote by richwatkinson
haha You pwned an entire website....i bow down...

TheDudeBox
#11
Quote by skagitup
Jamie:

I'm going to Brighton on the 6th and 7th + 8th of December to record a demo professionally (FINALLY!!)

Got a backing band together and everything!..

This won't be one of the songs BUT the stuff will be goin on my profile once it's done to replace the horrible bedroom recorded rubbish on there atm...

EDIT: Sorry for bump, forgot that i'd only just posted


Promising stuff man, good luck wit dat.