#1
I have changed the chorus. I hope that you like it

Verse 1
Watching over her
Her smile glistens in the September evening
Upon my shoulder, her head is leaning
We hold each other close in the empty carriage
Watching the sunset over the city skyline
This moment
Just bliss
We feel like the only two to exist
Sealing our love with a kiss

Chorus
And it feels like nothing else matters
All I could ever need is here
And we feel so comfortable
Alone
So warm
As one
The world outside means nothing
When all we have is each other

Verse 2
Her body shivers
As another passenger opens the door
I give her my jacket to keep her warm
I hold her close and kiss her ear
She smiles and closes her eyes
The silence
Is golden
Words can’t describe this moment
Never wanting it to end

Chorus
And it feels like nothing else matters
All I could ever need is here
And we feel so comfortable
Alone
So warm
As one
The world outside means nothing
When all we have is each other

(Pause/Instrumental)

Bridge
She closes her eyes and falls asleep
I wonder of what she is dreaming
Our station is near, but I don’t want this to end
My feelings of love transcend

Verse 3
In front of the fire
With my arm round her, we lie on the sofa
Breathing softly, her body moves closer
She kisses my hand and I kiss her neck
That look in her eyes means we’ll never part
This moment
Just bliss
We feel like the only two to exist
Sealing our love with a kiss

Chorus
And it feels like nothing else matters
All I could ever need is here
And we feel so comfortable
Alone
So warm
As one
The world outside means nothing
When all we have is each other

(Instrumental Outro)

Cheers for reading it. Any comments will be appreciated. c4c!

Neil
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Last edited by theneildeal at Nov 18, 2007,
#2
I really like the verses. The choruses aren't as strong though. I think it's a great start.
Last edited by k00kie M0nster at Nov 18, 2007,
#3
Cheers mate. I see what you mean about the choruses. Ill try to rework them
UG's Stock Market Guy

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#4
I'd agree with k00kie, the language and tone is much stronger in the verses. I can see you've tried to get a sort of anthemic feel to the choruses, but, as with most anthems, it's bordering on cliche. I'm sure that you can fix that though, based on your verses

Crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=715767
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#5
cheers mate. i did spend a lot more time on the verses compared to the choruses!
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#6
didn't i crit this already? guess not. i read it though.

i guess i kept expecting something to really happen, like it wasn't supposed to turn out to be a love song at all.

i would really have to hear it to say, because the music could really make or break this song. i'm thinking cellos could make this song really great, but i'm sure that whatever you had in mind is just as well

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#7
cheers mate. i guess the song is about the times when nothing much happens, but are still great. if you know what i mean! Ive got some ideas for the music, but i really want to perfect it before i record it. I agree that the music could make or break it. I don't really know anyone who plays cello, but after the music is written, ill take what you said into account.
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#8
There are a couple cliches in there (ie. silence is golden) but theres good flow.
I'm not crazy about the chorus, but everyone else has already said that lol
Over all I think its a good start
#9
cheers mate. the other comments are about the original chorus, which was just two lines! Ill sort it out again though. Yeah, the silence is golden thing is a bit cliche, so ill see if i can change that
UG's Stock Market Guy

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We'll Make This Work
Stop This Train
#10
ooh i like the chorus much better now

i REALLY that chorus now!

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