#1
"Fallen But Not Forgotten"

There is no fountain of youth, elixir of endless life
There is no remedy to death, surely in time we'll die
So when the gates come calling, keep me close in memory
It'll be my way of cheating death, and lasting eternity

When my time approaches, can I say I'm satisfied?
What am I leaving, for those I'll leave behind?
Can my words still guide, without being spoken?
Will the memories play back, like a record broken?

Why do we have to be gone, to know we'd be missed?
Why keep silent with our feelings, in the time we exist?
Is there a way to judge, how I've used my time?
Can I relive the days, when happiness was at it's prime?

Can I gaze back proudly, and see no wasted years?
Have I done all I can, to put meaning behind my tears?
Did I savor every breeze, every glance at the blue sky?
Is there time to right the wrongs, and erase petty lies?

Have I done enough, to have an impact on a life?
Have I been the sword, to thwart away their strife?
What am I leaving, for those I'll leave behind?
Does the day I learn, have to be the day I've died?

So cherish each day, don't stall until it's too late
Life has no remorse, and nothing escapes fate
With all the questions, I know I may sleep when I've died
Since I can rest with failure, but not without having tried
#2
"Fallen But Not Forgotten"

There is no fountain of youth, elixir of endless life
There is no remedy to death, surely in time we'll die
So when the gates come calling, keep me close in memory
It'll be my way of cheating death, and lasting eternity

(i like the way this starts it off and it flows nicely, also like the subtle use of foreshadowing in it)

When my time approaches, can I say I'm satisfied?
What am I leaving, for those I'll leave behind?
Can my words still guide, without being spoken?
Will the memories play back, like a record broken?

(very poetic and once again i like the way it kind of refers to the second to last stanza like the first stanza referred to the last stanza very creative and original scheme)

Why do we have to be gone, to know we'd be missed?
Why keep silent with our feelings, in the time we exist?
Is there a way to judge, how I've used my time?
Can I relive the days, when happiness was at it's prime?

(i lke all of it except for the "is there a way to judge line..." i dont know why but it just doesnt seem to flow well with the rest)

Can I gaze back proudly, and see no wasted years?
Have I done all I can, to put meaning behind my tears?
Did I savor every breeze, every glance at the blue sky?
Is there time to right the wrongs, and erase petty lies?

(i like it but i dont really know why...)

Have I done enough, to have an impact on a life?
Have I been the sword, to thwart away their strife?
What am I leaving, for those I'll leave behind?
Does the day I learn, have to be the day I've died?

(absolutely love the ending line on that one!! the rest is great as well but that line is my favorite in the entire piece)

So cherish each day, don't stall until it's too late
Life has no remorse, and nothing escapes fate
With all the questions, I know I may sleep when I've died
Since I can rest with failure, but not without having tried

(i like it all except for the wording of the last line it just sounds sort of clumsy to me but i dont know that just my opinion)

overall great piece ill give it a 8.5 out of ten
#3
I really like this. I have a few problems with a few lines that seem to have forced rhymes because of the rhyme scheme. Like "a record broken" i dont like the turning around of broken record. there are other lines. but overall i really liked it. and u get across a very good, clear, and strong message

mine is in m y sig if u can, plz, thnx
#4
Thank you guys for reading and the imput. I'll post more sometime during the week.