#1
Only In My Head

I don’t know how to explain it. That voice. Her voice. I couldn’t stop hearing it in my head. It was all I would ever hear. It spoke to me in my sleep, filled my dreams, awoke me every morning. It was never real. She was never there. Her voice was pretty. It was even prettier in my head. Every time I heard it I could see those eyes, see that smile. Only in my head. She spoke of love; she spoke of hate. She always said the right thing, exactly what I wanted to hear. She said she loved me like I did her. Only in my head. Her voice was all I ever wanted to listen to. That’s what I told myself.
So I had to tell her. That was the only way to get her out of my head. I tried telling the voice; it wouldn’t hear me. And she would only speak more. I tried telling everybody, anybody willing to listen. But she would only speak louder. Only in my head. That’s why I had to tell her. The real her. So she would know how she spoke to me… Like her voice, she was pretty. She had questioning eyes, sometimes sad, sometimes bright. Her smile was stunning. Brighter than the sun. She was so beautiful... I told her everything. This time she didn’t say what I wanted to hear. Yet she still said everything right! I was shattered. That’s what I told myself.
That day her voice left me. I realized it had always been in my head, but she had been in my heart only in my head. I never hear it anymore. Only when it’s real. She’s still beautiful. But her voice faded away. I’m glad I told her. That’s what I told myself.
Last edited by AmplifySilence at Nov 19, 2007,
#2
awesome man i dont know what else to say (dont feel like you need to crit me back since this really isnt a crit i just feel like i need to say this) its absolutely beautiful and i like the way you wrote it out it gives it more of an impact than in traditional poem format nice work!
#4
nice man, very descriptive. needs to be in a stanzas so its easier to read though.

good to be back in this forum.

back in the day when i joined UG it was cuz of the songwriting forum. and you Amplify, really helped me out.

thanks to you my friend, thanks to you
UG's HIPPIE
#5
I have to agree with bluesybilly, this was a beautiful piece. I was really able to connect with this piece. Usuallly, I'm not a big fan of writing that is this straightforward but here it works well. However there were some sentences that just didn't sit well with me. "Her smile was stunning. Brighter than the sun." This part here just seemed a little cheesy to me and really didn't seem to fit well. "..but she had been in my heart only in my head." I think this needs seem rephrasing. It's kind of awkward as it is now. Anyways, nice job, man.

Crit mine please.
Sweet Starvation
#6
Beautiful, man. I love how simple it is, and how it just sounds like someone just talking, saying everything that is on their mind, all at once.
#7
*tear*

it's so purty...
Quote by gilly_90
Hi, I'm looking for some fruit, I can't decide between apples and oranges.
Which one is better?
Thanks
#8
I just remembered about this piece, i hadnt seen any of the comments (just the first one) till right now, hope no one minds if i respond to some of them:

G{}{}ber-im not sure what ur talking about, but im glad i could help... however i did.

THe rest of you-thnks 4 the comments, really appreciate it.
#9
such a good peice. the way u just kept repeating the same words in a delicate, nice fashion. It makes me sad almost, but in a reflective way.

You talked in a very good short sentense kind of way. if you had combined those sentenses, it could of been bad, but the phrasing is amazing. great peice there. what else have u done?

could u help me with mine. called th right way. its on here. thanks