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#1
Off of the top of my head.

I was in Wal-Mart with my sister yesterday and there was this group of Mexicans (Welfare checks ftw?) and I turned to my sister and said, "So tell me that joke about the Mexicans again." The look on her face was priceless and we kind of stood there awkwardly with the Mexicans for a minute. *shudders*

Post your stories.
It all makes sense
We're capable of beauty
Through sounds that make on cringe
The dogs only hear us now

#4
.........
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'member The Pit of 10'? oH, I 'member!


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#6
how did i know that would happen ^^^ i was tempted i must say
--------------------
when me and a mate described this ultimate baguette we were making to our housemate just after she moved in.

we said: "beef, chicken, ham, turkey, anything we can find."
she said: "i'm vegetarian."

luckily she wasn't an angry vegetarian, i think she just doesn't like it. but anyway, awkward silence right there.
"And after all of this, I am amazed...

...that I am cursed far more than I am praised."
#8
last year when i hung out with this girl. she kept saying to talk and i was shy and didn't know what to say so i said ask me something and there was an awkward silence for like 5 mins lol. i miss that girl
#9
So....uh.


Yea.


*pause*


There was this one time where when I was standing with my mom, and I said her salmon looked grinded up babies and everyone just got real quiet.


*pause*

o_O
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#12
I was like "...then I get glaucoma and die" me and some of my friend laughed. This kid who was listening goes "My grandma died of glaucoma..."........................................................."JUST KIDDING!" then we all laughed, but it was so awkward after he said that. Good thing he was kidding.
SPACE FOR RENT
#13
Ask me somethin'.............

o_O
͏͏͏
۩۩۩۩۩۩۩Ƒyre Ðeity۩۩۩۩۩۩۩

Quote by Here_is_no_why

"Hey Mike, did your mom have a C section when she gave birth to you? Because I wanna make sure she's tight before I bang her."
#14
Oh oh, once I was going to take some dissolvable painkillers and my mum decided to do it for me. I had put the cup down and she thought I had already put water in it and she put the tablets in and stared at it... Because she thought I had put water in it.
#15
phag.
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#16
Quote by ctb
Oh oh, once I was going to take some dissolvable painkillers and my mum decided to do it for me. I had put the cup down and she thought I had already put water in it and she put the tablets in and stared at it... Because she thought I had put water in it.


thats stupid!!!
͏͏͏
۩۩۩۩۩۩۩Ƒyre Ðeity۩۩۩۩۩۩۩

Quote by Here_is_no_why

"Hey Mike, did your mom have a C section when she gave birth to you? Because I wanna make sure she's tight before I bang her."
#17
I was in a car to go to a guitar competition (school funded) with a teacher I hate and he hates me right back so for an hour and a half other but silence, no radio, didn't own any mp3 players and a steak knife couldn't have cut the tension.
"We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment"

Tool, anyone?
Alter Bridge, maybe?
A bit of John Mayer?
Some beethoven sounds delightful, as well.
#18
my girlfriend and i alwats seem to have semi-akward silences on the phone because both of us are bad at conversation...

(any hints?)
#19
My friend has a hot mom that is a personal trainer. We always jokingly tell her how hot she is and how badly we would like to be his new daddy, but one day one of my friends asked

"Hey Mike, did your mom have a C section when she gave birth to you? Because I wanna make sure she's tight before I bang her."
Quote by Altered_Carbon
That's some bony hipster sex, which may be the best kind.
#20
Quote by Here_is_no_why

"Hey Mike, did your mom have a C section when she gave birth to you? Because I wanna make sure she's tight before I bang her."


ROFL I'm thinking about sigging that!

ANd yeah, to guy with bad convo skills... just talk in person, derr.
͏͏͏
۩۩۩۩۩۩۩Ƒyre Ðeity۩۩۩۩۩۩۩

Quote by Here_is_no_why

"Hey Mike, did your mom have a C section when she gave birth to you? Because I wanna make sure she's tight before I bang her."
#21
haha i recall back when i was like 10 or so me and my dad were riding to the store listening to some talk radio station and they were talking about foods that were supposedly aphrodisiacs and i was like dad... whats an aphrodisiac? and hes like "well son... it makes you want to have sex..." the whole ride back it was quiet hah.

this other time i was riding to school with some friends and my friend sitting next to me she said "jeez this jacket smells liek pot" the mom who was driving us was like mm "......" it was quiet for like 5 minutes until i said "soooo.... how bout them mets?..."
<Raven> I got so baked last night
<Raven> that I WOKE UP high o_o
<Raven> Do you have any idea how euphoric that is?
<Raven> I felt like I was being born.
#22
I was hanging out with this dude I just met, and he said something, and I made a your mom joke. He was like, "Dude, my mom just died a couple of months ago, that's not cool." I felt like crap. A couple of months later, my girlfriend told me his mom wasn't dead. I wanted to kill him.
#23
^and his mom.

Easy way to cure Akward Slience is to say "Akward"...
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#24
Once, I wished someone happy birthday, but it turned out their birthday wasn't for another week!
Boy, was that an awkward 15 minutes!

derp
lol u have faggot in ur username


Quote by Jack Off Jill
You know, if you, Silent Deftone and I get together.. We'd be unstoppable at the night clubs.


Everything I say is to be taken as serious fucking business.
#25
Quote by All_Hands_Dead
my girlfriend and i alwats seem to have semi-akward silences on the phone because both of us are bad at conversation...

(any hints?)


Don't worry, phone silences will always happen. I still have silences with my gf and we've been going out for 2 years.

I love awkward silences, cos then you can recount the hilarity of it all to your friends.

...
Originally posted by TestForEcho
Badreligionrock is the man.

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#27
No, that's just how long she took to sigh and tell me I was early by a week.

If you want to say 'That's what she said', I recommend you resist the urge but if you have to, by all means say it.
derp
lol u have faggot in ur username


Quote by Jack Off Jill
You know, if you, Silent Deftone and I get together.. We'd be unstoppable at the night clubs.


Everything I say is to be taken as serious fucking business.
#28
So I haven't been on UG for about a month and since I'm back all I can say is there is a definant awkward silence... :\
666 BRO
#29
Once i was with my friend in a cafe and we were bitching bout our school principle...
Then suddenly my friend looks a little shocked...
And guess who walks into the cafe... Our school principle!!
And what makes it all that worse... He goes and joins his wife, daughter and two more people who were sitting on the table across from where we were... And they most probably heard us bitching bout the guy!
So for the next 15mins it was just me n my friend staring at each other awkwardly...
That actually was one of our most awkward moment ever!
#30
What's worse than awkward silences is awkward walks, when you're walking down a path, or through a car park or similar, and you see someone you know walking in the direction towards you, but you're too far to say hello just yet, but too near to act like you haven't seen them, so you have to keep walking looking at the floor or anywhere other than the person, because staring at them would just be creepy, and then you have to time it just right to look up and nod a hello that lasts for a second, and continue your walking feeling a bit stupid.

Happened with me and my history teacher this morning =/
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

-Matthew Arnold

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
#31
Quote by ctb
Oh oh, once I was going to take some dissolvable painkillers and my mum decided to do it for me. I had put the cup down and she thought I had already put water in it and she put the tablets in and stared at it... Because she thought I had put water in it.

I had to reread that a few times before i got it.
#32
Quote by Dinkydaisy
What's worse than awkward silences is awkward walks, when you're walking down a path, or through a car park or similar, and you see someone you know walking in the direction towards you, but you're too far to say hello just yet, but too near to act like you haven't seen them, so you have to keep walking looking at the floor or anywhere other than the person, because staring at them would just be creepy, and then you have to time it just right to look up and nod a hello that lasts for a second, and continue your walking feeling a bit stupid.

Happened with me and my history teacher this morning =/

This happens so often to me

I wish I didn't vaugely know people
#33
Quote by Dinkydaisy
What's worse than awkward silences is awkward walks, when you're walking down a path, or through a car park or similar, and you see someone you know walking in the direction towards you, but you're too far to say hello just yet, but too near to act like you haven't seen them, so you have to keep walking looking at the floor or anywhere other than the person, because staring at them would just be creepy, and then you have to time it just right to look up and nod a hello that lasts for a second, and continue your walking feeling a bit stupid.

Happened with me and my history teacher this morning =/

OMG I HATEEEE THAT! haha happens nearly everyday with my lit teacher, hes cool and all but that awkward walk haha... i just like take out my cell phone acting like a got a text or something hhaha
<Raven> I got so baked last night
<Raven> that I WOKE UP high o_o
<Raven> Do you have any idea how euphoric that is?
<Raven> I felt like I was being born.
#34
Quote by Rock'N'Soul
I was like "...then I get glaucoma and die" me and some of my friend laughed. This kid who was listening goes "My grandma died of glaucoma..."........................................................."JUST KIDDING!" then we all laughed, but it was so awkward after he said that. Good thing he was kidding.


lol, reminds me of this time in school when someone cracked a 'yo mamma' joke and the girl he said it to goes... "....My Mum's dead............" she was kidding but it was SO funny
#35
Quote by All_Hands_Dead
my girlfriend and i alwats seem to have semi-akward silences on the phone because both of us are bad at conversation...

(any hints?)


Just start having phone sex with her during all of the awkward silences. It'll go something like...

You: So how was your day?
Her: It was nice...
You: That's good...

*Awkward Silence*

You: So whatcha wearin'?
Gunpowder: FUCKING ROCKS!!!
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#36
Me, my friend, and his girlfriend were in a scented candle store, and he asked me if I thought midgets took regular sized dumps or midget sized dumps, and I told him they'd take dumps proportional to the size of their bodies. We then realized we'd been talking about such grave matters in a store full of 40 year old women and they were all just kind of looking at us with horrified expressions, and his girl was mortified. It was quite class.
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#37
Quote by C.C. Deville
OMG I HATEEEE THAT! haha happens nearly everyday with my lit teacher, hes cool and all but that awkward walk haha... i just like take out my cell phone acting like a got a text or something hhaha

I've tried that, but I'm so bad at fake-texting
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

-Matthew Arnold

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
#38
Quote by Here_is_no_why
My friend has a hot mom that is a personal trainer. We always jokingly tell her how hot she is and how badly we would like to be his new daddy, but one day one of my friends asked

"Hey Mike, did your mom have a C section when she gave birth to you? Because I wanna make sure she's tight before I bang her."


!!!!!!

That is the funniest thing I have ever read on UG.
#39
Quote by Dinkydaisy
What's worse than awkward silences is awkward walks, when you're walking down a path, or through a car park or similar, and you see someone you know walking in the direction towards you, but you're too far to say hello just yet, but too near to act like you haven't seen them, so you have to keep walking looking at the floor or anywhere other than the person, because staring at them would just be creepy, and then you have to time it just right to look up and nod a hello that lasts for a second, and continue your walking feeling a bit stupid.

Happened with me and my history teacher this morning =/

What's worse is when you're walking awkwardly with somebody going in the same direction, and you say hi, and then you walk more, suddenly realizing they're headed in the same direction, and you just have to hope that they're going a different direction soon, or you go the wrong way just to get out of the situation.
That happens way too often to me. I just kind of subtly take longer or short strides until the tension breaks. Awful.
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#40
Quote by Altered_Carbon
What's worse is when you're walking awkwardly with somebody going in the same direction, and you say hi, and then you walk more, suddenly realizing they're headed in the same direction, and you just have to hope that they're going a different direction soon, or you go the wrong way just to get out of the situation.
That happens way too often to me. I just kind of subtly take longer or short strides until the tension breaks. Awful.

Lol, it's worse when you say 'goodbye' when you think they're about to walk in a different direction, but it doesn't quite register that they're still with you and it's a painful silence as if they've come from another realm and shouldn't be present in your dimension.
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

-Matthew Arnold

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
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