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#1
I just farted and it smelled so bad that i had to leave my room

Anyone have any funny fart stories?
#2
I farted once, then I passed a couple who had a dog on a leash. The dog tried to sniff my ass.
#3
Quote by hug a llama
I farted once, then I passed a couple who had a dog on a leash. The dog tried to sniff my ass.



HAHAHA thats just sad man......jesus christ i feel bad for you...my god, im sorry man That made my day
#4
i farted in church....i thought its was silent.
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#5
yeah i was with my girlfriend, her sister and her sisters boyfriend and their dad and me and her sis's boyfreind and their dad were installing their enw mail box because I had just hit it with my truck and its a rubber made so which means it opens from both sides and i pulled down my pants and ****in sharted in there and i said to stephan hey man u gotta smell this rubber! and soo he takes a wiff and goes holy **** smells like analsecks haha his gf got soo embarrased her dad was right there ahh yeah... made me giggle
Sex is good
Sex is fine
Doggy Style & 69
Just for fun
Or gettin paid
Everyone likes gettin laid
#7
One time, in one of my grade 11 class, this kid farted and in all seriousness, every students and even the teacher left the classroom. It was soooo bad. In the end, only like a quarter of the class even returned.

Srsly. O.o
#8
My mom used to fart a lot. It sucked.
Bands to see before I die:
Iron Maiden
Foo Fighters
Megadeth
Reel Big Fish
Rush
Streetlight Manifesto

Gear:
Epi LP Standard
Washburn Strat
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GAS:
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#9
I farted a long squeeky one when I had just finished giving this chick her first kiss.
We just laughed and continued.
#11
I had a big ass Siberian Husky. He farted so much and they smelled like spoiled meat. One night, he was sleeping on my bed, I woke up to see his ass in my face, only to hear a soft "pffft."


....I actually cried.
#12
people fart

but seriously, a "challenged" kid in my school farted a few years ago then started laughing at it. everyone was just staring at him.
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.
#13
Quote by SeveralSpecies
I had a big ass Siberian Husky. He farted so much and they smelled like spoiled meat. One night, he was sleeping on my bed, I woke up to see his ass in my face, only to hear a soft "pffft."


....I actually cried.


I rarely laugh at things on this site, but this made me laugh the hardest out of everything today. Good job, sir.
#14
when we were in colombia my dad ate a huge meal. while sleeping he farted and shat out the evenings meal lol. also happened to my uncle like far away from the house.
#15
Quote by KantStopRoKnRol
I rarely laugh at things on this site, but this made me laugh the hardest out of everything today. Good job, sir.



*bows*
#16
one of my friends farted at the lunch table and everyone at the table left
i was Horrible *tear*
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Artist
IbanezGXR20
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Labyrinth Within
#17
Quote by SeveralSpecies
I had a big ass Siberian Husky. He farted so much and they smelled like spoiled meat. One night, he was sleeping on my bed, I woke up to see his ass in my face, only to hear a soft "pffft."


....I actually cried.

#18
my roommate is aboru 400lbs of fat an eats some of the nastest stuff you can imagine. when he farts i leave the house. it can come though the walls.
#19
Quote by SeveralSpecies
I had a big ass Siberian Husky. He farted so much and they smelled like spoiled meat. One night, he was sleeping on my bed, I woke up to see his ass in my face, only to hear a soft "pffft."


....I actually cried.

In the two years I've been here, that was the first time I think I've actually laughed out loud. Congratulations.
#20
According to one of my friends, one time this kid who used to go to our school (he graduated) farted on the bus one time. It was so bad the driver had to pull off the road. He got a referral(sp?). For farting.
--

How do you say "I'm okay" to an answering machine?

--
#21
One time I farted in the car and caused a car accident.
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
#22
A friend of mine were in the dean's office (prankish stuff, nothing crazy), when the dean had just finished screaming at us in front of a few other members of the office. Me and my friend just stood there, and he let out a really slow, soft, audible fart.

The dean just told us to leave out of disgust. Most awesome fart ever.
Life is underrated.


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#23
i was sitting in the library and the librarian was reading a book to us (i was in 2nd grade) i felt a fart coming on and my friends like ill give you a dollar to let it out! so i did! it was the loudest fart ive ever heard! the librarian kickedme out then i saw a bunch of kids leave the room cause it smelled so bad! lololol it was hilarious
#24
Quote by Riddler
A friend of mine were in the dean's office (prankish stuff, nothing crazy), when the dean had just finished screaming at us in front of a few other members of the office. Me and my friend just stood there, and he let out a really slow, soft, audible fart.

The dean just told us to leave out of disgust. Most awesome fart ever.


#25
Quote by SeveralSpecies
I had a big ass Siberian Husky. He farted so much and they smelled like spoiled meat. One night, he was sleeping on my bed, I woke up to see his ass in my face, only to hear a soft "pffft."


....I actually cried.



best thing I've heard all day....
Quote by bpoeoanry
go back to sleep
Waking up with boobs? Is there a visine for that.
#27
This one time after an assembly in grade six, our teacher was bitching about us misbehaving, therefore being poor role models etc. So right as she finished with an "Is that clear?" I let one of the loudest farts ever, to which everyone just laughed. It really took pressure off the situation.

You could call it the fart of salvation or something.
Gear: Schecter C-1 Hellraiser FR
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Traynor YCV50 BLUE
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#28
Epic thread is epic.
For my contribution: I Had really bad gas one day but they were all silent and didnt smell bad. This was during school. As soon as I get on the bus and sit down I have to fart again. This time however it was loud, long, it smelled like a rotting pig was shoved in the rotting ass of an elephant and microwaved, and it hurt my asshole. The bus driver and the kids on my bus got off. I am just sitting there laughing so hard Im crying and enjoying every second of it.
REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 8TH OF NOVEMBER!! I SURVIVED 4CHAN'S INVASION!!
Uneeded Praising Section:
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lol good call

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^
^ That was at me so yes it is praise.
#29
I farted in the barber shop a few days ago.....i didnt try to play it off. Everyone just looked at me in disgust. My barber had no idea what was coming for him.
#30
once in middle school, my friend had to rip really badly one morning. so he let out the worst stanky-**** farts i had smelled in a long time. needless to say, EVERYONE in that hall cleared out for 2-3 minutes. it was crazy.
ehh
#31
Quote by SeveralSpecies
I had a big ass Siberian Husky. He farted so much and they smelled like spoiled meat. One night, he was sleeping on my bed, I woke up to see his ass in my face, only to hear a soft "pffft."


....I actually cried.


Wow,That was ****ing hilarious!!I lol'd so loud in my house everyone woke up.LOL.Priceless..You my friend are getting sigged
#32
Well one time I farted and tried to eat it....and I like puked....while farting.....does that count?
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#33
ff
Quote by MuffinMan
I hope for a day when circumcised and uncircumcised penises can live together in harmony!


Quote by Kensai
Cowslayer, I recognize you as the Emperor of the universe. I applaud you in your awesomeness.
#34
Quote by Nocomment
This one time after an assembly in grade six, our teacher was bitching about us misbehaving, therefore being poor role models etc. So right as she finished with an "Is that clear?" I let one of the loudest farts ever, to which everyone just laughed. It really took pressure off the situation.
You could call it the fart of salvation or something.


Nice! Very p(h)unny.

I actually lol'd.
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#35
A few years back, a group of my friends and I were doing a summer study at Montana State University (MSU). They had some great restaurants nearby, and I had this amazing chili one night. Well, the next night happened to be our last night in Montana, so we had ourselves a dance party in the MSU basement, where they kept foosball, a bigscreen TV, snack machines, and washers/dryers. I had to take a break from the dancing when I got some bad stomach cramps, so I sat atop a washing machine, watching my friends dance a few feet away. My one friend, Lara, came over to ask me why I wasn't dancing. Right as this happened, I let rip the most foul, silent-but-deadly fart I've ever experienced, mine or otherwise (I mean, seriously, this fart was noxious and inhuman...damn that chili). As is began to diffuse throughout the surrounding air, everyone stopped dancing, as if on cue. Lara's eyes bugged out, staring at me, and everyone immediately ran towards the other end of the basement, with me bringing up the rear. This fart is now the stuff of legend within the group.
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#36
I once farted a few silent killers in the car. We pulled over to see if anyone had left any groceries in the trunk cause it smelled so bad. I didn't have the courage to just say it was my ass.

Also, one Halloween in high scholl I brought some stinkbombs and left them in my back pocket. As I was sitting there I farted and someone said that they smelled rotten eggs (the smell of the bombs). I IMMEDIATELY hit the box of bombs in my friend's backpack and waited till the end of the class. Turns out that none of them broke, my ass gass just smelled like horrible rotting sh*t.
#37
I was ****ing my ex girlfriend, and we were really into it. About 20 minutes in, right before I orgasm, she lets out the biggest fart I have ever heard. Lets just say it took me 20 more just to get hard again.
#38
My girlfriend farted so hard last night, she diarrhea'd all over herself.
-\_/-
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it's the silence between the notes that makes the music.
#39
I remember one time back in grade 2, our teacher was reading us a story. It was pretty quiet, and everyone is half asleep. All the sudden, my friends lets this loud and long squealy. It was hilarious. It was pretty high pitched.

One time, our math teacher was yelling at our class, and she was angry. After she finished yelling, she dropped some papers, and bent down to pick them up. Right when she bends down, she lets out a "toot."
DANNY

Quote by kevinm4435 to some guy
hey d00d i herd u dont like shred u r a genius 4 thinkin dat. all shred is fukin lame wit no soul u no wat im sayin??
#40
Well, a year or so ago, I went to my cousin's house to pick him up so we could go out and solicit money off of pedestrians by playing guitar and street performing. Since his door is kind of werd and closes right back unless he has a weight to stop it, I let out a silent one that lasted a good minute or so. Within a few seconds, his face shriveled up as he covered the room with Axe body spray. We left, came back 12 HOURS LATER, and it STILL smelled like a dead skunk that had been sprayed with Axe. Everytime I go back, I can still smell a trace of it. It actually stuck to his guitar.
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I'm a straight man, but I'd put that surfcaster right in my mouth.



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Women make it hard.
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