#1
Angels Fall,
creating static in the heart,
slowly, ever so slowly
it rips me apart

it only seemed like the perfect,
what else? your suicide
you could never purify
with the clean rinsed water

a demon rises
climbs into the mind
quickly, ever so quickly
you bring back whats left behind

it only seemed like the hardest,
what else? my life
you could never purify
you cleansed with the hate

pain is given so freely
i could by it with a penny
kindness is so rare
i could by it with my life
you screamed, ever so loud and clear

an angel in hell
a demon in heaven
a bitch in my bull**** life
hey, you never fit in
so as i hold you rght here, now
ever so closely, ever so hatefully
you have a knife shoved in your heart
bleeding and screaming what you've done

im sick and tired of the screaming
can anyone stop her from bleeding?
crit4crit
Call me Sean
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Last edited by Guitarplaya27 at Nov 22, 2007,
#2
it only seemed like the perfect,
what else? your suicide
perfect what?

it only seemed like the hardest,
what else? my life
I just don't get this

pain is given so freely
i could by it with a penny
kindness is so rare
i could by it with my life
That is pretty corny

an angel in hell
a demon in heaven
a bitch in my bull**** life
The last line just ruins it

you have a knife shoved in your heart
That line just doesn't fit in the mood with the song


Just my opinion.
Last edited by Pingis_Or_Death at Nov 22, 2007,
#3
Angels Fall,
creating static in the heart,
slowly, ever so slowly
it rips me apart

Pretty nice start, the rhyming works well.


it only seemed like the perfect,
what else? your suicide
you could never purify
with the clean rinsed water

I think you need a word after perfect. And the last line, I'd change 'clean rinsed' part to something else... I can't quite think of what though, but it sorta feels a bit hollow to me [the description].

a demon rises
climbs into the mind
quickly, ever so quickly
you bring back whats left behind

Personally, I dislike the idea of 'demons' and stuff like that in music, but that's just how I 'roll', it appeals to other people though.

it only seemed like the hardest,
what else? my life
you could never purify
you cleansed with the hate

Not really keen on this stanza... there's just something about it that seems forced and 'filler'ish.

pain is given so freely
i could BUY it with a penny
kindness is so rare
i could BUY it with my life
you screamed, ever so loud and clear

First line is boring. 'Pain' is just a boring word. L4 I would change to 'I couldn't' instead of 'I could', it emphasises moreso how rare kindness is.

an angel in hell
a demon in heaven
a bitch in my bull**** life
hey, you never fit in
so as i hold you rght here, now
ever so closely, ever so hatefully
you have a knife shoved in your heart
bleeding and screaming what you've done

This is pretty good... just the whole 'demons and angels' stuff doesn't really work for me, but as I said, it just comes down to personal opinion.

im sick and tired of the screaming
can anyone stop her from bleeding?

Nice ending.


Sorry I took so long to look at this, and thanks for looking at mine too. This was good, I just think if you worked on some of the descriptions and metaphors it could be better.

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^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.