#1
sorry if its hard to read some hard words and the rhyming may seem off bu i have the song in my head.
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Do the leaves change so suddenly?
Autumn is winding down
winters all around us
and christmas in our town
the sun is sleeping early
and we all slumber long and dream
for the mirror of ourselves
is there for us to see

and if the moon breaks through the clouds
my mind will wonder through the shrouds
of misty morning sunshine
and the afternoon haze
these are the winding down of our days


fortune tellers are taking in
all their precious poporee,they say
the streetcorner musician
has picked up his bouree
and jangled up the change into his
hands that are so lithe (layth)
and trudges into the autumn wind
with his mind, confused in faith

& if the local wiseacre comes to you
and asked for the things that are immpossible to
aquirre in the lifetime
tell him it's only a phase
these are the winding down of our days


just cause you say that things arent changing
doens't mean you can't lead a revolution
my dear friends, we need to stand
and take the rights that are ours
and if we fail at least we went down trying


do the leaves change so subtly?
Autumn is winding down
winters all around us
and christmas in ouir town
the sun is sleeping early
and we all slumber long and dream
for the mirror of ourselves
is there for us to see

and if the moon breaking through the clouds
my mind will gladly wonder through the shrouds
of misty morning sunshine
and the afternoon haze
these are the winding down of our days
#2
This is pretty good. Simple, but good. I like this because can really relate to the message and autumn imagery in here, it gives me a very specific and familiar feeling, which is good for your piece to be able to evoke such emotion.

My biggest criticism for you is your rhymes. In some points they are very forced. For instance, "clouds" and "shrouds." The line "my mind will wonder through the shrouds" really doesn't make much sense other than the fact that clouds and shrouds rhyme.

Most of your piece has pretty good imagery, except for this verse:

just cause you say that things arent changing
doens't mean you can't lead a revolution
my dear friends, we need to stand
and take the rights that are ours
and if we fail at least we went down trying

I can see a scene with every stanza except this one -- it really doesn't paint any picture or evoke any feeling. I would recommend removing this stanza or giving it some serious work.

Overall pretty good. Watch out for the forced rhymes though.

If you wouldn't mind, I'd really appreciate it if you could crit mine:
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=718468