#1
To those who haven't read "Midnight Skies" this will make little sense, to those who have, hopefully this can enlighten some of you, anyway this is the first part in a series of poems/songs that will be around as I write them, waiting for inspiration for the others, though I do have a storyline. Anyway, have fun leave some crit and I'll reply back to it ASAP.

Faithless Tune

He sits on a mound
In the pouring rain
A song he sings
Of a faithless tune

His voice echoes through the trees
He sees what needs to be seen
His laughter echoes through the forests
To him it seems so real

The night wore on
His mind went wandering
To a place he’d been before
A mask he’d worn, only torn

His eyes never wake
His mind never sleeps
The reason he hunts the nights
Is that the daylight has faded away

Though the fool he plays
The silence has strayed
Throughout the forest floors
As the Feelings he moors
Sail away, to gray

His mask they wear
Though without the fright
Of a distant night
His voice would echo away

The Jester he plays
In laughter he revels
Though towards his doom he walks
The forest has gone away

In a chair of iron so cold and true
He sits upon a mound
Though he carries no sound
No voices are heard
Yet still the darkness fades

Upon his chair a jester’s hat
Yet none wore on his head
He sees only darkness
None take darkness away

From the west he comes
To the east they go
Promises of wealth and fortune
Lead them all astray

On his throne, of iron cold
Lay jewels of merry worth
Though upon these jewels
A dreaded curse

None could take away-

Two Jesters rule the mortal skies.
Two Fools to sit upon the clouds.
Two frames of mind, frames in time.
Two left to twisted tales and horrid distaste.
Last edited by Zephyr Zylöz at Nov 24, 2007,
#2
Its a good follow up to 'midnight skies' but I prefered your earlier song. This part -

Upon his chair a jester’s hat
Yet none wore on his head
He sees only darkness
None take darkness away

Doesnt flow very well of seem to fit in with the rest of the song, I would suggest changing it.

C4C? - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=719352
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky