#1
i wrote a song i was going to play friday night in a coffee shop about someone who's gonna be there. someone else told me not to play that one since it was about when me and that other person broke up even though we're good now they thought it would bring everything back up again and to write a 'happier' song. so here's the pre-chorus and chorus at my 'happy' attempt. let me know what i should change because i'm not too stoked about it right now. thanks. peaces.

And I know
I was never who you thought you would find
But you know
Things will get better in time

Oh you dropped your guard
And you held me tight
When you kissed me up on the roof that night
And we laid there until the sun came up
Morning's light lit up your face
But you stayed there in my sweet embrace
You're everything to me
I hope you know
That's how much you mean to me
And that I never, never want to let you go.

...
#2
And I know
I was never who you thought you would find
But you know
Things will get better in time

okay first i dont think that you got a very good start but i am critin this as i go so if it somehow ties together in the end i'll let you know,but i think you should change the
"AND I" part start it off a little differently it will make a world of difference

Oh you dropped your guard
And you held me tight
When you kissed me up on the roof that night=i think this is a great line "tight-night"
And we laid there until the sun came up
Morning's light lit up your face
But you stayed there in my sweet embrace
You're everything to me
I hope you know
That's how much you mean to me
And that I never, never want to let you go.

okay see now i really didnt like the start at all but the endin verse was fuc*ing beautiful i REALLY liked it and none of the ryhmes felt forced and you had a very nice structure set-up
i dunno i just liked everything about the last verse the only thing i think you should do aboput the 2nd verse is add a little punctuation you know, it'll increase/convey the emotion better but other than that dont change anything i think its great how it is
GOOD JOB
oh and have you checked out my piece "girls are ****ing evil my friend"?
if you havent, then check it out and tell me what you think the link is
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=709143
C4C?
pardon me... do you have any grey poupon?
#3
thanks man i'll see if i can come up with somethin different for the first part before friday night, and yeah i'll go take a look at your piece now.