#1
Hey guys interested for any feedback you may have for the following lyrics that were written by myself and the drummer in our band. The song is called The Devil's Got A Friend and is about a guy that we knew who sadly got taken in by a cocaine addiction.

The devil crept in, amongst the crowd
Singled out his victim, ah la di day
He prays on the weak and the not so strong
That led me to my pen and the words of this song

Well you see this kid, he's a friend of mine
I don't know when, he overstepped the line
Somehow, somewhere, we all lost track
Of the devil creeping in and bringing him back

Things were just never quite normal
Charlie made friends and the combination was lethal
What if you cared about someone so much
That is tore you apart, made you self destruct

To watch the demise is the hardest part
Feeling helpless, selfless, you're giving your heart
Put myself on the line, all the flesh and bone
But the barrier broke and now devils got a home

You just feel powerless to stand and fight
Against the demons that are hid from the light
To try to save those that you hold so dear
But knowing their past, it's the worst kind of fear

Things were just never quite normal
Charlie made friends and the combination was lethal
What if you cared about someone so much
That is tore you apart, made you self destruct

Things were just never quite normal
Charlie made friends and the combination was lethal
What if you cared about someone so much
That is tore you apart, made you self destruct

The devil's got a friend but he aint mine
The devil's got a friend but he aint mine
Yuhuu yuhuhuu yuhuhuu
The devil's got a friend but he aint mine


All feedback welcomed and if you want to hear the song check out the myspace link below.
Last edited by robinmartin at Nov 28, 2007,
#2
The lyrics reminded me of The Offspring's Kids Aren't Allright, but once I heard your song, I thought the lyrics fit very nicely. It's not mainstream and I think that's nice, because someone needs to take the risk to make good music. Okay, back to the lyrics. I thought that the lyrics fit nicely with the song, had a meaning and told the story without going into too much depth but it wasn't just a scratch of the surface. I thought that it was pretty nice.

Keep up the English music
Tom
#3
Quote by robinmartin
Hey guys interested for any feedback you may have for the following lyrics that were written by myself and the drummer in our band. The song is called The Devil's Got A Friend and is about a guy that we knew who sadly got taken in by a cocaine addiction.

The devil crept in, amongst the crowd
Singled out his victim, ah la di day
He prays on the weak and he not so strong
That led me to my pen and the words of this song

A nice little introduction stanza; makes me personally want to read on or listen, once it's bigtime. he = he's*

Well you see this kid, he's a friend of mine
I don't know when, he overstepped the line
Somehow, somewhere, we all lost track
Of the devil creeping in and bringing him back

I like this too, but I might change "overstepped" to "stepped over"...just a suggestion.

Things were just never quite normal
Charlie made friends and the combination was lethal
What if you cared about someone so much
That is tore you apart, made you self destruct

Again, rolls perfectly. Nothing to change here.

To watch the demise is the hardest part
Feeling helpless, selfless, you're giving your heart
Put myself on the line, all the flesh and bone
But the barrier broke and now devils got a home

Man, how did you write this, it's honestly really great.

You just feel powerless to stand and fight
Against the demons that are hid from the light
To try to save those that you hold so dear
But knowing their past, it's the worst kind of fear

I feel dumb criticizing this thus far, since I can only say positive things...over and over.

Things were just never quite normal
Charlie made friends and the combination was lethal
What if you cared about someone so much
That is tore you apart, made you self destruct

Not sure about the double-chorus, but meh it might work if separated by a guitar solo or the like.

Things were just never quite normal
Charlie made friends and the combination was lethal
What if you cared about someone so much
That is tore you apart, made you self destruct

The devil's got a friend but he aint mine
The devil's got a friend but he aint mine
Yuhuu yuhuhuu yuhuhuu
The devil's got a friend but he aint mine

LOL! "Yuhuu!" That's funny.

All feedback welcomed and if you want to hear the song check out the myspace link below.


Overall, bloody awesome song, and I hope to see more like this. Take the time to look at my song "At Mind's End"; it's in my signature. Keep on writing.

Mark
#5
^^^then why don't you edit it in the original post?


the song was a lot different then I thought it would be...

but lyrically.. the only thing I would of done differently was the 4th line of the intro, I would have something more like
That led me to pen the words of this song
^thus pen is like another verb... or something, instead of a noun

but yeah... that was good read.
Promises meant a lot back then.