#1
This is one of the corniest songs I've ever written, but its about a special girl I had to move away from, so it still has meaning...Imagine Kind of a breakdown for the chorus too, Im tryin to make it a little bit of a harder song of a girl, dotn know if its gonna work or not

He Walks the streets all alone
She's on his mind again
She is all he has ever known,
The streets are filled with laughter
But He is consumed in teers
Every couple he has seen reminds him of her
And it has taken its tole through all of these years
But He Still Says:

Chorus
I Love you!
I Feel You!
I Still Think About you
Ill find my way back to your heart
And this time nothing will tear us apart!

600 Miles has never seemed so far
2 Years is far too long
His spirit has never been so weak
But his love for her never so strong
And This is why He Says:

Chorus
I Love you!
I Feel You!
I Still Think About you
Ill find my way back to your heart
And this time nothing will tear us apart!

He Swears to himself
if he ever sees her again
every smile will brighten his soul
every hug will warm his body
He will not let another moment go
#2
Quote by zeppelin_freak0
This is one of the corniest songs I've ever written, but its about a special girl I had to move away from, so it still has meaning...Imagine Kind of a breakdown for the chorus too, Im tryin to make it a little bit of a harder song of a girl, dotn know if its gonna work or not

He Walks the streets all alone
She's on his mind again
She is all he has ever known,
The streets are filled with laughter
But He is consumed in teers
Every couple he has seen reminds him of her
And it has taken its tole through all of these years
But He Still Says:

A few spelling and punctuation errors, but I like what you've got so far. tole = toll ; teers = tears

Chorus
I Love you!
I Feel You!
I Still Think About you
Ill find my way back to your heart
And this time nothing will tear us apart!

Again, this is pretty good; remember to punctuate your work.

600 Miles has never seemed so far
2 Years is far too long
His spirit has never been so weak
But his love for her never so strong
And This is why He Says:

This would be stronger if you had the words "six hundred" and "two" instead of their number. Still good.

Chorus
I Love you!
I Feel You!
I Still Think About you
Ill find my way back to your heart
And this time nothing will tear us apart!

He Swears to himself
if he ever sees her again
every smile will brighten his soul
every hug will warm his body
He will not let another moment go

I think you can edit a few lines here, especially the smile and hug part.


Overall, good solid effort and I hope to see more. If you have time, look at "At Mind's End"; it's in my sig. Thanks.

Mark