#1
are there any popping daisies??
because i feel the full moon
behind my shoulder now,
like a penitentiary spotlight.

and words in my mouth swell
into something bigger than me,
until i say, aloud now,
"who shines this beam?"

i reach out to a tree;
the leaves leave abruptly --
a thousand birds gone

____________south.

andthedeadgrassisconfettifromthenightbefore.
Last edited by Arthur Curry at Nov 28, 2007,
#2
Hello e.e. cummings, marry me.
turn me back into the pet that i was when we met,
i was happier then with no mind-set.
#3
I can't say I share Alicee's awe of this piece. Nice enough, but there seems to be a trend toward visual devices lately. Use of them hurts this one, imho.

are there any popping daisies??
A single question mark probably would be better. meh, using two is not all that big of a deal.
because i feel the full moon
behind my shoulder now,
like a penitentiary spotlight.
I'm thinking searchlight instead of spotlight. Not a big difference, either way.

and words in my mouth swell
into something bigger than me,
until i say, aloud now,
"who shines this beam?"
It's cute that you can use the font size to make this look like a spotlight/searchlight.
The question is: Should you?
I think it diverts all the attention away from the words.


i reach out to a tree;
the leaves leave abruptly --
a thousand birds gone

____________south.
Not horrible, but I think this would be better as "...south." or just "south."

andthedeadgrassisconfettifromthenightbefore.
Keep this one.
Meadows
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