#1
Wrote this quite awhile ago...and I know how bad it is, I pretty much only posted it to get suggestions for improvement. And no, just deleting it isn't a form of improvement.

[Verse 1]
Flying on wings of betrayal
Dying, but not dying fast.

[Chorus]
You can take my life, not what you want anyway.
Rising through the clouds of vengeance, tearing at my soul
You've stolen from me,
will and strength,
I can't let this go.

[Verse 2]
The culling of you by the darkness
Losing, and burning off last.

[Bridge]
When it comes, when you see
The scope of humanity, taken from me
I'll think of you, the suffering,
the price I've paid, to see you in hell.
#2
[Verse 1]
Flying on wings of betrayal
I have no clue what that means.
Dying, but not dying fast.
Weak. Wasted words.
Dying ever so slowly.
Dying, but not fast enough.
Dying, slowly dying.
Any of these would be better, and just pulled them out of thin air.


[Chorus]
You can take my life, not what you want anyway.
Again, I don't know what this means. I offer my life, but you don't want it. ?
Rising through the clouds of vengeance, tearing at my soul
What is rising through the clouds?
You've stolen from me,
will and strength,
I can't let this go.

[Verse 2]
The culling of you by the darkness
culling = removing rejected members or parts from. of you suggests you did that to her/him. I suspect this is not what you're trying to say here.
Losing, and burning off last.

[Bridge]
When it comes, when you see
When what comes?
The scope of humanity, taken from me
I'll think of you, the suffering,
the price I've paid, to see you in hell.

I have no idea where this started, where you've been, or even if you're now alongside the one you speak of, in hell. I'm sure all these little snippets have some meaning to you personally, but the thoughts and feelings don't survive the journey across the page to me.
Meadows
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#3
Yea, I honestly don't know where I was when I wrote this...probably one of my wannabe metal moments. Thanks for the crit, I'll work (really, really hard) to make this at least halfway decent.