#1
Alright here it goes, c&c please!

Have you ever felt the pain,
of new found hope going down the drain,
Have you ever realized,
that to much always passes by,

Have you ever broken down,
what holds you back,
carried on and never looked away,
Picked up the crown,
went into attack,
surprised to find you seized the day,

chorus:
and I dive,
into what, I don't know,
embrace whatever I might find,
even if I fail I will know I tried,
and I grow,
with each step I take,
love is not gonna make me blind again

I think I've deserved some luck right now,
i've been living like this for quite some time now,
don't ask me how,
but ego's worth it's weight in gold,

your childish ways to get your right,
your arrogant pose towards my life,
but I have to admit,
the ways you're working with,
sometimes lift me up,
and carry me away,
and make me surprised to find I seized the day.

chorus x2

generic breakdown thing

chorus x2


#2
Well, I think you had some pretty good lines, like 'ego is worth it's weight in gold' and 'suprised to find you seized the day.' However, as a whole, I think that it was kind of all over the place. I think that if you made your stuff a bit more cohesive it would turn out very nicely. All in all, it was pretty good, just not great.
#3
okay i really liked this piece i think because i could relate to it so easily there really isnt a whole lot that i think you should change you might have gone a little crazy with the commas but if thats how you meant it to come out then so be it but yea i enjoyed reading it!
pardon me... do you have any grey poupon?